In an article last year I listed the most precious of Australian virtues as blokesmanship, fairgoedness, bullshittery and matitude. Clearly, though, I left arguably one of the most important ones out: hooninism. 


As much as we love blokesmanship, fairgoedness, bullshittery and matitude, we love hooninism more. Given the opportunity, we love both fanging it and having a bit of a hoon around. If our coat of arms had been designed post-1986, the two animals wouldn’t have been a kangaroo and an emu, they would have been a VL Commodore and the empty Macca’s carpark it was doing burnouts in.


While I personally celebrate the (responsibly exercised) practice of hooning, the Queensland Police Service do not, having set up the Hoon Hotline in 2010 in the hopes of exterminating this practice.



Like a lot of the more esoteric parts of Australian culture, some of it is a little hard to explain to outsiders – what exactly constitutes a hoon? Is it someone who drives irresponsibly? No, that could be just any fuckhead. Hooning is driving like an insane person for the sheer thrill of it. It’s closer to an art form than it is to a crime, although, in a lot of cases, it is definitely a crime.


For some reason, the Hooning Hotline surfaced as a topic on Australian Twitter and, understandably, this left the non-Australians that are subject to the monstrosity that is Australian Twitter shitposting, a bit perplexed:



Obviously, we took a chance to take pride in this great national pastime: 



God bless this ridiculous country.


Photo: Fury Road.