Any time a news story about Australia is so on the nose that it sounds satirical, it is usually about snakes or crocodiles or some combination of the two. Unfortunately for our cousins to the north, whenever such is the case with a story about the United States, it is almost invariably about gun violence. An FBI agent accidentally setting off his gun in a crowded bar while attempting to do a backflip. A Texas father shooting himself in the stomach while trying to spin his gun around his finger like a cowboy at his daughter’s birthday party. And now, in today’s dose of it-would-be-funny-if-it-wasn’t-so-sad US news, a woman shooting her own daughter who had come home from college to surprise her.

As the New York Post is reporting, 18-year-old Hannah Jones had her right elbow broken in three places after her mother, who believed she was some sort of intruder, shot her. In a since-deleted Facebook post, Jones described returning home to Girard, Ohio and running into the house in excitement, only to be shot — and I cannot stress this enough — with a gun, by her mother.

21 News managed to get a copy of the 911 call made by Jones’ boyfriend, which is just… well, it’s something (emphasis theirs):

CALLER: “My girlfriend just came home from college and her mom didn’t know, like honestly — she accidentally shot her and we don’t know what to do.”

DISPATCHER: “She accidentally shot her?”

CALLER: “Yes, I believe in the arm.”

DISPATCHER: “Okay and how bad is she bleeding?”

CALLER: “IT’S PRETTY BAD.”

Girard police chief John Norman told 21 News that the woman was in her bedroom when she was “startled by some noises she heard in the kitchen or hallway area”, after which she took out her .38 special. When Jones opened the bedroom door trying to find her, she opened fire.

According to Norman, Jones’ mother holds a valid concealed-carry license, and it is not clear yet whether she will be charged. Somehow, none of this has been the craziest part of the story. The kicker for me is this statement put out by the police department, quoting the police chief:

If you realize someone has a gun for protection, and they’re not expecting you — announce yourself when you enter the home, or even if you’re getting up to get a drink of water in the middle of the night, just announce yourself.

Yep, for safety’s sake, if you need to get up in the night for any reason, be sure to yell to the entire household that you’re doing so, so that you don’t get murdered by one of your family members. Christ.

In her Facebook post, Jones said she was thankful things didn’t go worse: “It truly has been a crazy few days, but I am beyond thankful to still be here on this earth today. I sure am lucky to still be here! It still baffles my mind to know that I could be dead, but thankfully I had an angel looking over me that night.”

I feel like angel might have stopped you being shot by your own mum but hey, fair enough.

Image: Facebook