GOD NO: A Polar Vortex Sweeping The US Is Set To Drop Temps To -33C

It’s very weird to think that January is a wildly freezing cold time for half of the world. I mean, we’re in the midst of a massive heat wave/drought sitch here in Australia, how is it that the top half of the world is currently bracing against some of the most insane arctic weather right now? What has caused this? It’s like the climate is shifting and changing???

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Chicago in the US, in particular, will be feeling the cold grip of winter’s spindly hands this week, with a polar vortex pushing wind chill temperatures to a predicted low of -48ºF (which is a simply ungodly -44ºC) and a reported minimum temperature of -33ºC (-29ºF).

As per the Chicago Tribune, there have been nearly 20 cold weather-related deaths in the Illinois state alone since October last year. With the lowest temperatures looking like it’s going to break some records (Chicago’s record is a whopping -32ºC set back in 1985) please for the love of god, just don’t go outside. Just don’t.

It’s going to be colder than Siberia in Russia. Colder than Vostok Station in Antarctica. Colder than Mars‘ top temperatures today, for Christ’s sake. That’s cold. That’s some real bullshit levels of cold.

I mean look at this map of the States. It’s unhinged. We’re not meant to get that chilly, right?


It’s like the Aussie heatwave map where the darkest purple means “fucken hot”, but instead, the darkest magenta here means “teeth-shatteringly cold.”

Hell no, thank you.

Looking at that wind chill, there’s actually nothing on there that’s above 0ºC? That’s some real cooked temps right there, and by ‘cooked’ i mean ‘flash frozen with liquid nitrogen like Boris Grishenko from GoldenEye.

It’s colder than that bit in The Shining where Jack Nicholson‘s Jack Torrance meets his fate in the snow outside the Overlook Hotel.

To sum up: it’s freezing. If you’re planning on going to Chicago, Minneapolis, or kinda…anywhere that isn’t the southern end of the continent while this polar vortex sweeps across the US, maybe don’t.

And if you’re already there, well firstly, I’m so sorry, and secondly, make sure you take care of yourself and others.