Few things bring Australians together in united glee than an American being wrong about something. It is the one and only true bi-partisan issue threading the patchwork quilt that is Australian politics. Long may we bicker and piss and moan at each other about petty, insidious bullshit. But place an American being wrong about something in front of us – particularly if that thing they’re wrong about is Australian – and suddenly we are one and we are many yelling at this wrong asshole. And filling the role of “Wrong American” in today’s performance: Conservative TV presenter Emerald Robinson, who apparently took a blind stab at the population of South Australia and missed by a country fuckin’ mile.
With all of South Australia shifting to Locky D mode from 6pm tonight, following a further two confirmed COVID-19 cases in an emerging Delta cluster, Robinson – a White House correspondent for right-wing network Newsmax, which is to Fox News as Having A Shovel Split Your Nose Open is to a rudimentary brick to the chin – decided to weigh in. What for? Who knows. But if we’re looking at this as a dart board, then old mate’s gone and stuck one into the bartender’s shoulder.
Robinson, in a tweet that is remarkably still up, launched the baffling claim that “Over 10 million people in South Australia are in lockdown again over 2 new cases of COVID.”
Over 10 million people. In South Australia.
Over 10 million people in South Australia are in lockdown again over 2 new cases of COVID.
— Emerald Robinson ✝️ (@EmeraldRobinson) July 20, 2021
Who knows where or how she got that figure from – though initial assessments have “her own ass” as an early contender – but just to be clear here: It’s not.
In fact a 0.5 second Google reveals the real figure floats somewhere around the 1.8 million mark.
Cue: The rabid pizzling from the online masses.
Obsessed with how stupid American conservatives are https://t.co/iL9nScrJz6
— kt (@cloudyspires) July 20, 2021
Cripes I have a nap and wake up and find half the country has moved to South Australia https://t.co/DytdahLisC
— Greg Jericho (@GrogsGamut) July 20, 2021
How frustrating is it when Americans just dial in on our situation and just get it completely wrong https://t.co/qOijfSOXsa
— Ty (@flagpiesss) July 20, 2021
That’s quite the baby boom SA. https://t.co/8C44P8dV12
— Evan (@fictillius) July 20, 2021
Australia’s population grew by over nine million today. https://t.co/dnmaOAll4s
— Ahmed Yussuf (@ahmedyussuf10) July 20, 2021
every single woman in SA gave birth to 11 babies overnight and now the whole state is in lockdown https://t.co/MznJCyaDDw
— Nick Schadegg (@nickschadegg) July 20, 2021
this might be a hot take, but I suspect this lady may be a little bit of a knucklehead https://t.co/AzVNJxcSxz
— hydrodart hocking (@lifesuxluke) July 20, 2021
Where do the other 8.3million come from then? Don't ruin a good story with facts now will you. https://t.co/EmRgu9i17u
— Voluptuously Vocal (@merkin_about) July 20, 2021
You get the idea.
That said, it’s certainly funny to think of a secret, hyper-densely populated pocket of Adelaide just fanging around under everyone’s radar. 4 million folks casually flitting about Hectorville. Another million or two in Grange. Maybe a casual 500,000 in Unley just to round out the numbers.
If a 212-storey citadel can magically appear in the suburbs of Melbourne, anything’s possible really.