US ‘Bachelor’ Contestant Shat Dacks, Got Booted After Fkd Sexist Tirade

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Published

August 4, 2016

There exists a horrifying alternate reality where our very own Richie isn’t some adorable lunk. In this parallel realm, he’s apparently a scumdog who can’t rein in his violent and sexually threatening outbursts, even though his munted words are destined to appear on national television.

That alternate reality is called America. The show is Bachelor in Paradise, and Richie’s equal-but-opposite is Chad Johnson, who managed to get himself booted off the show exactly one episode in due to his rampaging BS.

Oh, and it certainly appears like he shat his dacks in the process.

While the show hasn’t graced our shores – yet – the premise is basically to burl a bunch of former Bachelor and Bachelorette contestants together into a fuck-off big island party for the USA’s amusement. Johnson had previously made a (bad) name for himself on a season of the Bachelorette, so his inclusion makes sense… in retrospect.

In reality (well, in reality TV), the bloke sparked up some rapport with another former villain in Lace Morris. After some back-and-forth, a lil’ kissing and presumably some comically large coconut cocktails, Johnson’s further advances were rebuffed.

The response was apoplectic, and far removed from the largely stellar humans invited to grace our screens. Johnson called her a bitch, and then directly called out another contestant’s physical disability, saying “fuck that one-armed bitch… you suck that dick.”

He then launched a patently insane tirade against literally everyone else:

“I’ll murder everyone here. I’ll kill your children and murder your family. Dolla, dolla bills, yo.”

Another contestant said “Chad’s talking about murder, rape, killing.” Generally speaking, those aren’t great topics for reality TV. Or anywhere.

Eventually, Chad passed out. Contestants also believe he loosened his bowels like he loosened his mouth. Other competitors spoke to the camera about the ordeal, with one saying “every time Chad’s around, it just makes me nervous… because that’s actually scary and abusive and weird behaviour that shouldn’t be happening.”

Host Chris Harrison had words for him the following day, as he was booted. Understandably.

The aftermath of that was more rage, with Johnson saying “you think this is all fun and games? This is my life.

You’re going to sit here and try and make me look like a bitch? Fuck you, Chris Harrison. Come at me.”

Let me just search for the correct terminology… ah, yes. I believe the correct response here is “bitch, bye.”

US media outlets have actually praised the show for taking such a solid stance, despite the show’s patently ridiculous and fluff-filled premise. The Atlantic, of all publications, said “it was a valuable, if sobering, message: Even in an escapist world, bad behavior can’t be escaped.”

FWIW, Johnson has since spoken out on Twitter about the ordeal. His responses have been in keeping with the character presented on TV, and they also go against the show’s pants-browning narrative.

I should’ve never ever EVER said that abt @sarahherron tonight. I was a dic k im disappointed in myself pic.twitter.com/6hV2suBHRY

— Chad Johnson (@realchadjohnson) August 3, 2016

There was no pants shitting U dicks lol I own 2 pairs of the same swimshorts. How do you tell which ones u wore the previous day? #SmellTest

— Chad Johnson (@realchadjohnson) August 3, 2016

Have I said anything disrespectful, or did I just state something that was a fact but in an unflattering tone? #SorryKinda #NoFilterOops

— Chad Johnson (@realchadjohnson) August 4, 2016

People, I was not payed to go on the show and I am not a payed actor. Maybe my brains a bit fuckulated but I yam who I yam #ChadIsChad

— Chad Johnson (@realchadjohnson) August 4, 2016

Maybe it was this crab that did all the fuckulating. That’s a more comforting thought than accepting the fact an actual bad dude was given the keys to the reality TV kingdom… again.