Ukraine’s New President Is The Chocolate King

Oompa, loompa, doom-pa-dee-do

I have a perfect puzzle for you.
Oompa, loompa, doom-pa-dee-dee
If you are wise you’ll listen to me.

What do you do with Crimea’s unrest?
When the East is fed up with you lot in the West?
Ukraine has been split, and that is a real shame.
But who do you think’s the one to blame?

Get a brand new President.

Ukraine, in amongst all the turmoil surrounding Pro-Russia separatists and the disputed Crimea region, has run its democratic Presidential elections and the results are in. Despite a strong, anti-Rebellion stance from candidate Lord Vader of the Galactic Empire, the country voted in the so-called “Chocolate King” Petro Poroshenko in a clear majority.
Poroshenko is a pro-Western billionaire who gained his fortune through the acquisition of the Ukraine’s largest confectionary manufacturers. He is officially listen on Forbes list of billionaires.
Voting in the country was severely disrupted in the Eastern regions of Ukraine by fiercely pro-Russian protesters who forced the shutdown of polling stations. Russian President Vladimir Putin has stated that Russia will respect the Ukrainian voters will, and announced the pullback of Russian armed forces stationed in the troubled Crimea region.
Upon claiming victory, Poroshenko declared the primary objective for the Ukraine is to end the war with the separatists in the east of the country, and in doing so sweetened the deal by offering any rebels amnesties in exchange for the surrender of their weapons. He also stated that fixing the country’s economy was another main priority, and invited foreign investment into what he promised to be a corruption free environment.
Other Presidential activity for the newly elected Chocolate King includes the rumoured hiding of five golden tickets in Poroshenko chocolate bars which will be found by five children: A glutinous over-eater, a spoiled brat, a hyper-competitive girl, an obsessive sloth, and an impoverished, kind-hearted boy who will eventually inherit the entire factory while Poroshenko is President, only to probably run it into the ground due to a child’s fundamental lack of economic knowledge.
Photo: Sergei Supinsky via Getty Images.
via ABC News.