There’s not much that’s more curious and satisfying that rifling through a lost and found bin, having a little snoop at the things that people have accidentally left behind. Remember how hectic the ones at school were? Just packed full of toys and trinkets, and about five jumpers from the same forgetful kid. Well Uber’s ripped the lid off its lost and found archive and holy shit there have been some real shit left in the backs of cars.

Like some kind of back seat Christmas, the global trove of forgotten shit includes some pretty standard things like photos from a trip to the zoo, an esky, and a work shirt from Woolies, but it also includes a whole surfboard (?), a single piece of LEGO (??), and a small sword (???).

I’m sorry, a sword? What kind of medieval-ass fool carries a sword around and manages to leave it in the back of a car? Is this some kind of threat??

Across the globe, a bunch of deeply Australian items have been found in Uber cars, maybe wedged between the back seats or slid underneath the front seat.

Things like one (1) black thong, blonde clip-in extensions, an RM Williams belt (which are like $120, god), and a pair of Budgy Smuggler swimmers have been lost and subsequently found in various cars around the place.

But most alarmingly, someone straight up left their glass eye in the back of a car. Not that you actually use it to see or anything but surely you’d notice if you’re just getting around with an empty eye socket, right?

Uber’s global lost and found list also has a few things that really make you sit back and think “well, what the fuck happened here then?”

Things like a doll head (terrifying), the right foot of a pair of Christian Louboutins (fucking expensive), a set of bagpipes, a “fairly big” pearl, and styrofoam letters that spell out ‘Will You Marry Me?’ are the kinds of forgotten bits and bobs that I desperately need to know the backstory about.

No, seriously, what the fuck happened with the person who popped the question with styrofoam lettering? Did they leave it behind before or after they asked someone to marry them? What the fuck is going on here?

If there’s one thing we can all learn from this, it’s to always do the double check in the back of the taxi/Uber/car before you get out. I’m sure you don’t want to end up on this list and wind up with someone like me writing about your level of forgetfulness.

Image: Kill Bill Vol. 1 / Miramax Films