So much of the focus on the Republican presidential primary race in the United States has been focused on the wild and wily antics of Donald Trump: his anti-immigrant rhetoric, his patent dislike of women, his love of winning. Sometimes it’s easy to forgot that his primary opponent, Texas Senator Ted Cruz, is also a total nutjob.
A few legal eagles have uncovered something Ted would probably rather we all forget in the midst of a heated and very partisan race: in 2007, when he was Texas solicitor general, he wrote a whopping 76-page brief demanding that a ban of sex toys and dildos be upheld.
“There is no substantive due-process right to stimulate one’s genitals for non-medical purposes unrelated to procreation or outside of an interpersonal relationship,” he and his team wrote, trying to tear away what some might describe as a deeply fundamental right at the very heart of the American Dream.
He was referring to a Texas law which banned the sale of sex toys to ‘uphold public morals’.
As the news started to filter out, Ted’s old college roommate Craig Mazin thinks that Ted’s stern moral opposition to furious hog-cranking is probably, uh, relatively recent.
Shockingly, Ted’s desire to take away the right to furious, sweaty masturbation hasn’t been raised during the Presidential debates.