Twitter Is Unleashing A Steady Trickle Of Gold About The Trump Piss Rumours

Look, we don’t want to kinkshame anyone, some people are into sex-time piss things and that’s fine. Anyone that doesn’t have some sort of weird sex shit they’re into is frankly boring as hell and I have no time for them. If Trump‘s thing is piss, sure, whatever, he’s rich and probably bored to death of every other possible sex act.

If Trump paid sex workers to piss on a bed in the presidential suite of a hotel because Michelle and Barack Obama had previously slept in it? That’s funny as shit.

Unfortunately, the story is more than likely completely false. The “report” posted by Buzzfeed is completely unverified, and the only parts that have been fact-checked have been proven to be untrue. It’s a very convenient narrative that left-leaning people would love to believe, and have chosen to do so, which is not a great reflection on the left as a whole – who have been condemning the right for consistently doing the same thing, throughout and following the election.

One plus side though? We are getting a lot of great tweets out of it. If the internet can manage to squeeze good jokes out of the other, mundane shit Trump has done, imagine what they can do when given “piss” as a starting point.

Actually, scratch that, don’t imagine it, have a look:

obama: after all these years, i still believe in america

trump: the piss story about me is fake

— Hippo (@InternetHippo) January 11, 2017

TRUMP: Now, does anyone have any questions
[Every reporter raises hand]
TRUMP: KEEPING IN MIND I explained about the piss
[Hands drop]

— Patrick Monahan (@pattymo) January 11, 2017

They say Trump is such a great deal-maker, but there are millions of women who would piss on him for free.

— Sandra Newman (@sannewman) January 11, 2017

imagining those FBI guys explaining to trump about the piss rumor makes this all worth it

— libby watson (@libbycwatson) January 11, 2017

KNOCK KNOCK

Who’s there

URINE

Urine who??

URINE FOR COUNTLESS BAD TRUMP PISS JOKES TONIGHT

— Sam Escobar ?? (@myhairisblue) January 11, 2017

This is all just liberal media spin. Those Russian women had both just been stung by jellyfish.

— Stephen Colbert (@StephenAtHome) January 11, 2017

Kanye’s new hair makes a lot more sense now #GoldenShowers pic.twitter.com/Q1wvIxhGdl

— Chelsea Handler (@chelseahandler) January 11, 2017

In a very “million monkeys, million typewriters” moment, someone even managed to predict the scandal, in March last year:

As inevitable headlines go, “Trump Campaign Manager Arrested for Assault,” is second only to “Trump Caught Paying Prostitute To Pee On Him.”

— Danny Zuker (@DannyZuker) March 29, 2016

Some of Trump’s own past tweets / actions have certainly taken on new significance now:

Sexual pervert Anthony Weiner has zero business holding public office.

— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) April 10, 2013

The golden rule of negotiation: He who has the gold makes the rules.

— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) February 6, 2015

President-elect Donald Trump?’s plane given a water salute as it takes off from NY to the White House? for his meeting with President Obama pic.twitter.com/XFY6xsX8Zi

— Fox News (@FoxNews) November 10, 2016

Trump, who gets pissy and upset when anyone looks at him funny, was quick to emphatically express his displeasure with this turn of events:

FAKE NEWS – A TOTAL POLITICAL WITCH HUNT!

— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) January 11, 2017

People who have been following this nightmare mess of complete nonsense will also be aware that some people from 4chan, the infamous hive of 16-year-old internet chodebeasts, has claimed responsibility for inventing the story and covertly feeding it to intelligence people – so, uh, nice job nerds, you’ve convinced a large portion of the population that your hero is into piss stuff.

What a bloody day.

Photo: Getty Images / Win McNamee.