It’s a pretty reliable rule in life that a sufficiently large quantity of weirdness will attract other weirdnesses into its orbit, and, as such, sufficiently weird people will surround themselves and be surrounded by other weirdos. 

Donald Trump is a huge weirdo. In accordance with the above axiom, he has gathered about him a host of other weirdos and it is going to be a delight* getting to know each and every one of them as his administration ramps up. We got to meet one of them on the weekend, White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer.

Not ringing any bells? He’s the guy who was wearing the suit that was too big for him and got on camera to tell the press to stop being so mean to the man who just became the most powerful person in the world (except, of course, for the head of the Illuminati).

It turns out giving stilted, petty press conferences isn’t the only thing weird about the dude, some people going through his old tweets found a few delightful eccentricities – in his defence, though, if anyone can go through your social media without finding something that makes you look like a fuckhead, you’re not living.

The man who is, I repeat, the White House Press Secretary, waged a five-year war with American ice cream chain Dippin Dots, because, well, why not I suppose:

Only time will tell if he was indeed correct. It attracted so much attention over the last few days that Dippin Dots even posted a response to Spicer, bless their hearts:

Weirdly, he also seems to have some issues with Daft Punk, or as he calls them “Daft Funk”:

A truly outstanding take from a clearly brilliant man.

The weirdness only continues, though, as The Cut revealed, pointing to a profile Spicer received in the ‘Washington Post‘ in 2016, wherein he revealed that he chews 35 (that’s a three and a five) pieces of gum before midday every day:

“But all you really need to know can be seen in the mouth. This is where Spicer’s talent and nervous energy meet. Watch it open wide enough to inhale his phone as he yells at an editor. Behold its versatility, as he at once chastises Trump for calling Mexicans rapists and murderers while also lauding him for calling attention to the issue of illegal immigration. Even when he is not speaking, it works on overdrive, churning through pieces of Orbit cinnamon gum, which he chews and swallows whole. Notwithstanding his line of work, the man just can’t stand a gross-feeling mouth. 

“‘Two and a half packs by noon,’ said Spicer. ‘I talked to my doctor about it, he said it’s no problem.'”

Buddy, I don’t care what your doctor says, that shit is not right. 

Does chewing an unfathomable and untenable amount of gum before you’ve even had lunch make you a bad person or bad at your job? No, no it does not. Real fucking weird though, mate.

Alternatively, if, like in ‘My Favourite Martian‘, this is helping him retain his humanoid form, this is actually completely reasonable.

Source: The Cut.

Photo: Getty Images / Drew Angerer.