Trump’s Doc Admits He Farted Out His Medical Report In Five Minutes Flat

Back in December – a geological epoch ago in terms of Donald Trump’s fuckups – the Republican Presidential nominee’s website presented a letter from his physician Dr. Harold Bornstein, espousing the man’s supposedly stellar health.

Despite all evidence suggesting that the man is, in fact, a pumpkin-cross-scarecrow homonculus, Dr. Bornstein wrote that Trump is actually in remarkably good nick. A fair dinkum lifelong avoidance of smoking and drinking may have helped there.

Then, Dr. Bornstein went and wrote “if elected, Mr Trump, I can state unequivocally, will be the healthiest individual ever elected to the presidency.”

That hyperbolic line would have stayed buried underneath the many fresher layers of baffling BS presented by the campaign, but a new, nearly-psychotic obsession with Democratic nominee Hillary Clinton’s supposed health has brought the spotlight back on Trump’s constitution.

Welp, NBC went ahead and gave the good doctor a quick grilling about that weird, weird letter. As it turns out, Dr. Bornstein pumped it out in five minutes. And didn’t even bother to proofread it. 

“Well, I thought about it all day, and at the end I get rushed and I get anxious when I’m rushed. So, I thought if I got four or five lines out as fast as I could, they’d be happy.”

NBC probed the doc as to what gave him the authority to make that claim (and to disregard the absolute goddamn tank of a human that was Teddy Roosevelt). Dr. Bornstein said “I like that sentence to be quite honest with you and all the rest of them are either sick or dead.” Flawless.

On using Trump’s wide array of superlatives, he said “I think I picked up his kind of language and then just interpreted it to my own,” which also inspires quite a bit of confidence.

In another comment, Dr. Bornstein said “his health is excellent, especially his mental health.” We can certainly hope the bloke isn’t as “temperamentally unfit” as rival’s campaign claims, ’cause Trump currently has a still-too-large likelihood of becoming leader of the USA.

At least our controversial political leaders can back up their health claims with solid budgie-smuggling evidence.

Source: NBC.
Photo: Alex Wong / Twitter / donaldjtrump.com.