In very normal news that has well and truly sent me over the edge today, President Donald Trump has declared war on *checks notes*, *checks notes again* toilets.
Yes. Donald Trump, President of the United States, leader of the free world, arguably one of the most powerful people in the world, has taken it upon himself to deal with the very serious issue of toilets.
Specifically, flushing them.
More specifically – flushing them 10-15 times, which is a very normal, not at all strange thing to do.
At a White House roundtable on Friday, Trump took fellow attendees on a bowel-related journey that culminated with the Environmental Protection Agency legitimately having to revisit their water policies based on his bathroom habits.
“We have a situation where we’re looking very strongly at sinks and showers, and other elements of bathrooms,” he eased them in.
“You turn the faucet on and, areas where there’s tremendous amounts of water where the water rushes out to sea because you could never handle it, and you don’t get any water. You turn on the faucet and you don’t get any water.”
At this point, you’re probably thinking this is all pretty normal presidential stuff. Boring, maybe. But the kind of stuff you’d expect to hear in a White House roundtable on any given Friday afternoon. But wait.
“People are flushing toilets 10 times, 15 times, as opposed to once. They end up using more water. So [the Environmental Protection Agency] is looking at that very strongly at my suggestion.”
Now, at this point I had to personally message our work group-chat to confirm that my regular single flush wasn’t weird.
“There may be some areas where we go the other route, desert areas, but for the most part you have many states where they have have so much water that it comes down, it’s called rain, they don’t know what to do with it.”
On account of the fact that Donald Trump is the President, EPA actually have to follow up on this absolutely absurd “suggestion.”
“EPA is working with all federal partners including Department of Energy to review the implementation of the Federal Energy Management Plan and how its relevant programs interact with it to ensure American consumers have more choice when purchasing water products,” EPA spokesperson Michael Abboud told USA Today.
GREAT MOMENTS IN HISTORY: Trump is so full of shit he admits it takes him ten times to flush his toilet.
— Johnny S Pissed (@johnny_pissed) December 6, 2019
Image: AAP Images / Kevin Dietsch
— Count Dante ☯️ (@countdante67) December 7, 2019