Trump Insists He Would Have Bravely Charged Unarmed Into The Florida Shooting

Here’s yet another dispatch from the President of the United States’ worm-riddled brain: he says he would have heroically charged in unarmed to the active school shooter situation in Florida.

What evidence did he provide for this frankly astounding claim? Nada. During a meeting with the nation’s governors, Trump lambasted the law enforcement officials who were at the scene of the shooting at the South Florida high school but did nothing, calling their actions “frankly disgusting.”

Then he went for the money shot. “You don’t know until you test it, but I think, I really believe I would have run in there even if I didn’t have a weapon,” the president said.

“I believe most of the people in this room would have done that too.”

First of all, let’s get this out of the way: no, he wouldn’t have. There is an astounding body of visual evidence proving Trump is easily startled by birds, stairs and protest signs – to say nothing of a hail of semiautomatic gunfire.

Let’s also not forget that fact that Trump successfully deferred the Vietnam draft five times – four times because he was in college, and once for bone spurs.

Also, we would be remiss not to mention the time he admitted to Howard Stern that an old man fell at one of his events and was bleeding to death on the floor, but Trump didn’t help because he’s afraid of blood:

I said, ‘Oh my God, that’s disgusting,’ and I turned away. I couldn’t—you know, he was right in front of me, and I turned away. I didn’t want to touch him. He’s bleeding all over the place, I felt terrible. You know, beautiful marble floor, didn’t look like it. It changed color. Became very red.

And you have this poor guy, eighty years old, laying on the floor unconscious, and all the rich people are turning away. ‘Oh my God! This is terrible! This is disgusting!’ And you know, they’re turning away. Nobody wants to help the guy. His wife is screaming—she’s sitting right next to him, and she’s screaming.

Very brave man!

Here’s what would actually have happened. Trump would hear the sounds of gunfire, and he would leap into the nearest golf cart and drive it as fast as possible to the next hole. That’s kinda more his speed.