Townsville Urges Young Punters To Pretty Please Not Piss On The Waterpark

At this point it seems like Townsville is starting to enjoy its self-proclaimed status as the host of a never-before-seen youth crime spree, because things in the north Queensland town are starting to get a little comical. 
Case in point: the most recent news to emerge from the Ville, which alleges local youths (or “filthy” youths, if you’ll forgive the Townsville Bulletin their turn of phrase), have been using the city’s $2.8m water park as a toilet. 
Several water park attendees, including a ten-year-old girl, saw a group of youths allegedly take a synchronised whizz on the water park’s slides.
Members of the community are taking to a local crime watch Facebook group to alternately voice their disgust and, Principal Skinner-like, plead to any higher power listening to make the kids just, for once in their lives, be good
The Facebook group in question is also host to some claims that throw into doubt whether that particular water park should be used as anything but a toilet, including that lifesavers have been seen cleaning human crap off the slides, that someone spotted a bloke pushing his kid’s poo down a drain with his foot (MATE) and that the levels of gastro-causing bacteria are off the charts.
Obviously, Townsville City Council community health and environment committee chairwoman Ann-Maree Greaney is on damage control, telling the Bulletin that the park has the best and newest filtration system. 
All that being said, maybe it’s time we shone a light on our collective wilful ignorance about water-based theme parks: that they’re nothing more than a quick way of accumulating enough bits of bodily detritus as to make an unholy human soup; a consommé au punter, if you will.
Don’t go in ’em. 
Image: Instagram / @northbarrierlifeguards.

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