Tony Abbott Is Now The Special Envoy On Indigenous Affairs, Which Fucken Sucks

Tony Abbott has accepted Scott Morrison‘s offer to become the government’s special envoy on Indigenous affairs, proving that there is absolutely no record of mediocrity and failure which precludes you from being given carte blanche to exert your insane will on Indigenous people in this country.

Fresh from a highly unproductive three-year-long campaign of attempting to destroy the government out of a single-minded focus on revenge, Abbott will now have vague oversight over the very same government’s approach to Indigenous people, saying his focus will be on “school attendance rates and performance”.

Here’s what he told the Daily Telegraph about his approach to his plum new gig:

What I expect to be asked to do is to make recommendations on how we can improve remote area education, in particular, how we can improve attendance rates and school performance because this is the absolute key to a better future for Indigenous kids and this is the key to reconciliation.

Abbott backed Peter Dutton in last week’s leadership spill, and has not been particularly subtle about his efforts to drag the Liberal Party towards the hard-right. Morrison did not give Tony a ministerial gig despite the calls of a minuscule number of conservatives, and this job is a consolation prize. Yes, the ability to enact torturous paternalistic policy on Aboriginal people is indeed a football to be tossed between feuding old white dudes.

Considering his record shows he is hellbent on letting corporate vulture Twiggy Forrest design increasingly punitive welfare regimes to unleash on the Aboriginal populations of mining communities, one might safely question his bona fides. But that’s just us!

And the best part is that roughly 10% of Abbott’s mind will be dedicated to this job, with the remainder focused on seeking revenge on the government for not giving him a rightful position on the frontbench. Because that’s how his brain works, folks. We’ve seen it play out for… roughly his entire career.

Another great day in Australian politics.