TODAY IN NOPE: QLD Bloke Gets Bitten By A Snake Hiding Under His Pillow

Because who needs caffeine to stay up all night when you can just read this shit and never sleep again instead, we now present to you this:

A North Queensland bloke had a hell of a start to his weekend, after hitting the sack on Friday night only to be nipped by an actual fucking snake that was hiding under his goddamned pillow.
The man, a resident of Trinity Beach just north of Cairns, had gone to bed on Friday night and slipped his hand under a pillow when the hiding reptile struck. Turns out the 1.2 metre spotted python had taken up residence beneath the sheets of the bed and didn’t take too kindly to its owner trying to cop a few z’s.
The man’s wife was in the lounge room of their house at the time of the incident, and was rattled by the VERY BLOODY UNDERSTANDABLE screams coming from the bedroom.
Cairns-based snake catcher Matt Hagan was called to remove the critter, who he named Jack and remarked that it was one of the fattest snakes he’s ever had to relocate. He also provided this absolute pearler of a yarn about the state the bloke’s wife was in when he arrived at the house.

“When I got there, his wife was steadfastly refusing to go back inside the house … she suggested we either burn it down or they were moving to New Zealand.”


Entirely justified reaction, IMO.

The region’s snakes have been active unusually late into the season, due to the unseasonably warm start to the winter season the country’s been experiencing. However Hagan also noted that a warm bed could be seen by snakes as a solid choice for a hibernation spot.

“We’re still getting calls that pets are being eaten, which we usually see die off around this time.”


And in unrelated news, you just scored a whole heap of spare room in all your houses because who the hell ever wants to touch a bed again after reading that.


Source: The Age.
Photo: Auscape/Getty.

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