Throw “self-regulating conventional currency” into the list of things the Insane Clown Posse have no want to understand, nor any desire to speak to a so-called authority in order to gain enlightenment on the matter. Yes, much like the science behind magnets, or the divine machinations of magic and miracles, ICP’s mystifyingly bizarre following known as Juggalos have taken it upon themselves to reject conventional money with the kind of ferocity not seen since the rejection of an Andrew WK solo set at the 2008 Gathering (embedded below for your viewing pleasure).
Juggalocoin, not to be confused with Bitcoin, Dogecoin, Cablecoin, or any other of the myriad of mostly pointless and highly volatile cryptocurrencies on the market, is digital money made by Juggalos, for Juggalos. It’s definitely a gaping hole in the market that needed filling, or something like that. Why Juggalocoin? Well, I’m glad you didn’t ask! The currency’s primary aims are four pronged and are as follows: They want to keep funds in the family. This, mainly, is a peace of mind issue for Juggalos. Tired of seeing their conventional money unintentionally falling into the hands of non-believers through cons, flim-flams and ponzi schemes run through made up obligations with wacky names like “the rent,” Juggalocoin exists to ensure that all funds used through the currency remain circulating exclusively through the hands of people who are “down with the clown.” Comforting. Secondly, it’s to promote a positive image of Juggalos. Tired of the bad and snarkily written press they receive, they have resolved to improve the image of the Juggalo fraternity by hitching on to a flimsy, unregulated, prone to abuse form of currency trading and, in doing so, remaining insistent on using the word “Juggalo” in its title. Yep, that oughta do it.
Thirdly, it’s to support Juggalo charities. Honourable, sure. Until you realise that Juggalo charities are not a thing that currently exist. Still, once Faygo for Fiji is properly set up, it’ll be an invaluable resource that surely does the Lords work. Finally, Juggalocoin exists to rightfully promote February 17th as International Juggalo Day, and this reporter thinks it’s about whooping time. They demand recognition to the day as a period of spiritual madness in order to properly pay homage to all things pertaining to the leaders of the faith, Violent J and Shaggy 2 Dope. In their own words, “The goal is for recognition, in the same way that 4/20 is recognized as a marijuana holiday.” Preach it, brother.
But even if you’re not a Juggalo, fear not! There are limited spaces available for non-Juggalos to take part in Juggalocoin and assist it in its growth. 217 slots have been made available in something called the Insane Coin Posse. Although I’m not entirely sure what that means precisely, as of writing all 217 slots remain available. So, y’know, the clock’s ticking for the hungry investors among you.
If you’d like to get involved in this wonderful opportunity – for the life of me I’ve no idea why you wouldn’t – hit the Juggalocoin website and send all your funds to the currency’s founder, a trustworthy gent who goes by the name “Papa Nutt.” Though he may take a little while to send you confirmation, as he is “off to ask a little Jugalette to show me her JUGs.”
Fuckin’ webcoins. How do they work?
