The town of Scarborough in the UK’s north east was blessed with the presence of a walrus on New Year’s Eve. According to The Guardian, the delightful beast was soon identified as Thor, an adolescent male Arctic walrus who was first spotted off the Hampshire coastline earlier in December.
Thor the walrus dragged his thicc ass all the way up onto a boat ramp where he seemingly decided it was a nice spot for a lie down. He proceeded to loll all over the cobblestones much to the delight of onlookers.
But there’s been a saucy update to Thor’s antics — turns out the big boi was so relaxed he had a cheeky wank to ring in the New Year. We’ve all been there!
Reddit user u/mobfather captured the footage and posted a video in r/CasualUK entitled “Let’s end 2022 with a video of a walrus knocking one out on Scarborogh [sic] beach”.
Yep, once the sun went down, the mood struck Thor who cranked his hog in front of hundreds of onlookers. As UK tabloid The Sun dramatically put it: “Parents had to cover their children’s eyes when the two-ton beast appeared to perform a solo sex act on the slipway”.
I never thought I’d write about a walrus’ shocking solo sex act, but here we are. It’s only just 2023 and I’m kicking goals already.
Previously we reported that Thor’s arrival early in the day on New Year’s Eve had Scarborough in a tizzy.
The Scarborough Sea Life Aquarium wrote on social media: “Please do not worry – he appears well and is just taking a well-deserved rest after his long adventure!”
Officials cordoned off the area Thor the walrus was chilling in, and crowds of people came to take pics and generally squeal at the walrus’ presence.
Local resident Richard Coulson told the PA news agency that the crowds were at summertime levels thanks to Thor’s visit.
“It’s the first time I’ve ever seen one. It’s huge,” he said, as quoted by The Guardian. “We see seals quite regularly round Scarborough coastline but something of that size, it’s enormous. Its tusks are bigger than my arms.”
Richard, his tusks aren’t the only thing Thor is packing.
Those looking to get lit at Scarborough’s New Year’s Eve fireworks display found their plans disrupted by Thor. The local council made the call to cancel the fireworks so they didn’t traumatise the walrus.
A spokesperson said: “We have taken the decision to cancel tonight’s New Year’s Eve fireworks display on the advice of British Divers Marine Life Rescue, because of the arrival of the walrus Thor in the harbour. There are concerns that the display could cause distress to the mammal.”
This was before he traumatised everyone by having a mazz, of course.
I have to bow down to the energy of Thor just casually hoisting himself up into a random town and overshadowing the fkn fireworks display. It’s only just begun but Thor’s already our 2023 hero — gonna be a tough one to beat.