Thomas Markle JR, general menace and apparent ‘celebrity’ according to the Big Brother VIP casting team, has claimed that he wants to “hide from immigration” and stay in Australia forever in a since-deleted Instagram video shot from the ‘Big Brother backyard’.

In the video, which was thankfully captured by the Daily Mail before its deletion, Markle laughs about wanting to stay by the beautiful beaches of Australia forever, and never leave, which is exactly what I do not want to here. Please, Mr Markle, consider leaving.

It’s important to keep in mind that yes, the estranged brother of Meghan Markle is currently in Australia after being zipped right over here to film Big Brother VIP. What joy!

“Tom Markle here coming to you live from the Big Brother VIP hotel backyard, you know, where rations get a little low, so he makes us run outside here in the ocean and get our own food,” he says in the Instagram clip.

“It’s going to be an amazing, amazing show. I’m looking forward to making it all the way to the end.”

If this is a spoiler as to how far Markle makes it in the competition, I am going to scream into the void. Gretel Killeen died for this? (Disclaimer: this is a joke, Gretel is not dead, please god do not think she’s actually dead.)

“As a matter of fact, I think I’m going to hide from immigration and I’m not going to go home,” Markle continues.

According to New Idea, Thomas Markle Jr arrived in Sydney a couple of weeks ago, where he entered hotel quarantine and then jumped straight into the Big Brother house at Sydney’s Olympic Park precinct.

Rumour has it his casting was done purely to replace Katie Hopkins, and the talent pool that Channel Seven is pulling from here is troubling.

Aside from constantly undermining his half-sister’s choices, Thomas Markle Jr has previously been arrested for allegedly putting a gun to his girlfriend Darlene Blount’s head during a drunken argument.

He will be officially joined by actor Bernard Curry; Olympian and political candidate Caitlyn Jenner; Big Brother 2021 villain Danny Hayes; former AFL captain Dayne Beams; actress and model Ellie Gonsalves; fashion designer and model Imogen Anthony (Kyle Sandiland’s ex); Married At First Sight’s Jessika Power; model and Instagrammer Josh CarrollSurvivor King Luke Toki; NRL player Matt Cooper and former political advisor to Donald TrumpOmarosa.

You can watch the first sneak peek of Big Brother VIP right here, which heavily features Markle himself.

If you need me, I’m going to be on the phone with immigration. Don’t ask why.