I really thought that Fyre Festival would be the pinnacle of rich-people shenanigans for 2017, but as usual, I was wrong.
Rich people are so off the hook, so thoroughly removed from the quotidian mechanics of the 99%’s daily life, that they might as well exist on an entirely different plane of existence. And to illustrate this fundamental truth, I present to you this monstrosity of the modern age.
Feast your eyes on the folly that wealth and madness in Hollywood hath wrought: an absolutely insane, deeply discomfiting, extremely soft porn-y movie trailer that is in fact advertising a Beverly Hills mansion.
The house in question has its own website, Opus Beverly Hills, and if you’ve got a spare $135 million (US$100 million), it could be yours, along with all the art, Cristal, and gold-plated cars contained therein.
Oh, and a concierge. If you buy this house, you also get a concierge. Like a person. It’s 2017 and you can buy a person.
But what I’ve got ain’t one hundred million United States dollars; it’s just a lot of questions. Questions like: what? And: why?
More specifically, why has the mysterious entity behind Opus Beverly Hills chosen to advertise the house in such a skin-crawling, ultra-high-def, slo-mo Sapphic-for-sale fashion? Who are these golden women, and why are they sticking their butts out next to cars and going for a dip while wearing false eyelashes? What are their motivations?
Also, who builds a custom champagne vault and fills it with 170 bottles of the same damn champagne?
Hell is empty, my friends, and all the gold-dipped demons are here.
Image: Opus Beverly Hills.