In an extraordinary turn of events, Prime Minister Scott Morrison has called a snap press conference for this afternoon, where he will address rampant media speculation that he once violently shit himself at the Engadine Maccas in the hours after Cronulla lost the Super League Grand Final in September of 1997.
Morrison will front media cameras at approximately 4:20pm this afternoon and deliver a prepared statement in response to the on-going rumour that he, while still wearing pants, shitted out his goddamned ass at the Engadine Maccas in 1997.
The Prime Minister is not expected to respond to media questioning at this time.
The Engadine Maccas yarn has been percolating in one form or another since the day Morrison took office in August of last year; following him around like the proverbial bad smell.
However it wasn’t until last week that social media speculation began spreading rapidly. A subsequently very serious PEDESTRIAN.TV investigation into the events of that one fartful day pushed the story into the mainstream press.
We have been following the story keenly over the weekend, and inside sources assert Morrison is set to admit to the nation that the story is true; that he did, in actual fact, blast fountains of shit out of his fucking ass at the Engadine Maccas in 1997.
Our reporters are en route to Canberra, and will be front and centre at the press conference this afternoon.
The press conference that’s definitely happening today, Monday April 1st.
Come on, try and keep up here guys.Image: Getty Images / Tracey Nearmy