Theresa May Why Are You Dancing Like That, No, Please Stop

Some people are natural dancers. They can move their bodies completely without self-consciousness with grace and ease, seemingly wholly consumed by the rapturous combination of the music and the joy of physical movement. I am not one of those people. Sure, put enough beer in me and I will certainly give it a go (you try and STOP me from giving it a go, motherfucker), but it is not a pretty sight. Until this evening, I have never thought to speculate on the dancing ability of Theresa May, prime minister of the United Kingdom, but, given the evidence, I am forced to conclude that she falls into the same camp I do.

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The ‘evidence’ in this case is a video of her arrival on the stage to give the keynote address at the Conservative Party Conference. May, having a bit of a dig at herself over recent footage of her dancing(ish) in Africa, came out to ABBA‘s Dancing Queen. She decided to accompany this with dancing. Sort of.

In this way, May committed the cardinal sin of dancing: you have to fully commit. Don’t half dance. Don’t dance just a bit and then stop, then start again. It looks ridiculous. If you’re going to dance, dance. Theresa May did not do this. She did… uh, this:

Look, if you put aside her terrible politics and the shitty things her government has done, you sort of have to acknowledge that it’s almost brave to take the piss out of yourself in this way. But, more importantly, you have to acknowledge that those moves are terrible and should be left somewhere where they will never again be found or seen.

If, like me, you’ve found that this video has left you with a profound discomfort and a kind of secondhand anxiety on May’s behalf, please use this wonderful version of the video set to Get Low by Lil Jon & The East Side Boyz to get the taste out of your mouth:

If, on the other hand, you are a massive sucker for punishment, please enjoy this video from the launch of Windows 95 that is much, much worse: