Picture this: You’re a fisherman, a real honest profession. Nothing too out of the ordinary. You head out to sea, drop your enormous nets, trawl for a day or so and then drag them up and return to shore, ready to sell your bounty of the deep. You do this on a weekly basis every season for years, maybe even decades. There’s no huge surprises, nothing that’s worthy of anything other than a casual yarn at the bar amongst other fishermen, for all intents and purposes you lead a fairly normal, unremarkable life. And it’s fine. It suits you.
That is, of course, until one day. One day where you head out, drop your nets, trawl around for a day or so, and then you drag them up. Instead of the normal bounty of the deep, this time there seems to be something else in the net. Something you’ve never seen before. You dig through the mass of writhing shrimp to get to this… whatever this is. Deeper and deeper you dig, until finally it appears. You recoil. You have no idea what it is. And then it moves.
Florida fisherman catches 18 foot goblin shark, the 2nd ever caught in the Gulf of Mexico: http://t.co/WeASj4UI56 pic.twitter.com/YgYC2K3K8g
— David Shiffman (@WhySharksMatter) May 2, 2014
OH GOD WHAT THE HELL EVEN IS THIS THING?
I’ll tell you what it is: it’s a goddamned Goblin Shark. Yes. A species of shark known as a Goblin. It is seven shades of hell wrapped up in a grotesque pink exterior. The kind of thing that only lurks in the murky depths of the deep, deep sea, because it’s only down there where it can do its unholy bidding.
A species not seen for some ten years, the Goblin Shark attacks its prey by EXTENDING ITS JAW OUT OF ITS MOUTH LIKE A SECOND HEAD. I’m not even kidding. You think the Chestburster scene in Alien was bad enough? This shit is a real thing that actually exists.
Take some time to process that information and watch this video of the curdled demon-spawn from the blackest depths of hell in action. If any of you need me I’ll be curled up in the foetal position whilst never sleeping again.
*whimper*
