Oh good, another bonce with a historically bad haircut has been elected leader of a world power. Things just keep getting better!
That’s right: following Theresa May‘s resignation as Tory leader back in May, former London mayor Boris Johnson – full name Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson, because of course it fucking is – has just been elected leader of the Conservative party in a ballot of party members.
He easily beat his rival, the much more normally-named Jeremy Hunt, by 92,153 votes to 46,656.
Bozza used his victory speech to promise he’d deliver Brexit within three months, which still seems like just the worst fucking idea to have ever collectively struck the British Isles but okay, we’re going with it apparently!
He also took the opportunity to take a swipe at opposition leader Jeremy Corbyn, who he said he’d “defeat”. K.
We are going to get Brexit done on 31 October and take advantage of all the opportunities it will bring with a new spirit of can do.
We are once again going to believe in ourselves, and like some slumbering giant we are going to rise and ping off the guy ropes of self doubt and negativity.
Anyone else feel like he’s talking about Britain as though it’s some mid-forties divorcee who’s decided to get back into ceramics as a means of finding herself? You can’t live laugh love your way out of this one, my towheaded friend!
Thank you all for the incredible honour you have done me. The time for campaigning is over and the time for work begins to unite our country and party, deliver Brexit and defeat Corbyn. I will work flat out to repay your confidence
— Boris Johnson (@BorisJohnson) July 23, 2019
The other bad-haired idiot was quick to congratulate Johnson in his usually articulate manner:
Congratulations to Boris Johnson on becoming the new Prime Minister of the United Kingdom. He will be great!
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) July 23, 2019
Theresa May offered her support:
Many congratulations to @BorisJohnson on being elected leader of @Conservatives – we now need to work together to deliver a Brexit that works for the whole UK and to keep Jeremy Corbyn out of government. You will have my full support from the back benches.
— Theresa May (@theresa_may) July 23, 2019
And Jez Corbyn obviously isn’t having a bar of it.
Boris Johnson has won the support of fewer than 100,000 unrepresentative Conservative Party members by promising tax cuts for the richest, presenting himself as the bankers’ friend, and pushing for a damaging No Deal Brexit.
But he hasn’t won the support of our country.
— Jeremy Corbyn (@jeremycorbyn) July 23, 2019
Johnson will be off to see the Queen on July 24 in order to ask her permission to form government, as is the custom. Come on, Lizzy. Now’s your chance to flex some monarchical muscle! Say no! See what happens! We’re all fucked anyway! Hooray!!!