The Trashtastic Debut Ep Of ‘Yummy Mummies’ Has Broken Australia

Even the promos of Yummy Mummies threw us into turmoil. The show – whose premise, if you couldn’t guess, is to follow the lives of four extraordinarily extra super-rich mums-to-be – even attracted a Change.org petition calling for it to be banned. Before it had even aired!

The entirety of trashy telly-watching Australia was hanging out for this supremely tacky gift. And now we’ve had the first taste, and my friends: it has broken us.

From the $99,000 “push present” olive diamond ring, to the balloons printed with your ultrasound, to the all-Versace house, to the Chanel powder room, to the long-suffering event manager basically staring directly into the camera like she’s in The Office, to the fact that it’s so staged you can practically see the producers side of shot feeding the foursome their lines – Channel 7 has created a monster. 

Clear your schedules, the Yummy Mummies are about to arrive…??#YummyMummiesAU, starts Sunday 9.00 on 7 and streaming on @YahooPLUS7 Live pic.twitter.com/KlBgYFh6ZH

— Channel Seven Perth (@SevenPerth) July 8, 2017

There’s so much going on here but here’s the Cliff’s Notes version: there’s Jane, Lorinska, Rachel and Maria. The first three are from Melbourne, and Maria’s from Adelaide, and for some reason they’ve been goaded into competition with one another. It’s the Real Housewives formula, only with like… babies. 

And we are here. For. It.

Y’ALL READY FOR #YummyMummies??? pic.twitter.com/vbyDS8TVnB

— mat whitehead (@matwhi) July 9, 2017

Not even ashamed that I’m probably going to watch this shit religiously ???? #YummyMummies #YummyMummiesAU

— Nat (@kahlarsee) July 9, 2017

Why do I get the feeling one day this show is going to be used as evidence in a bitter custody battle? #YummyMummiesAU

— Colonel Kickhead (@colonelkickhead) July 9, 2017

baby shower event manager, if you ever read this, just know that i love you and you are amazing for dealing with this #yummymummies

— vaporwave apologist (@MissyR_) July 9, 2017

Like seriously. This is the actual reason why the aliens don’t visit us #yummymummies

— Toushka Lee (@Toushkalee) July 9, 2017

#yummymummies I swore to myself I wasn’t watching this trash. Now I can’t look away from the horror. Significant IQ points have been lost.??

— Lauren (@CoutmanLauren) July 9, 2017

This is the definition of a train wreck. Yet I can’t look away. I want to, but can’t. These women are living in a fantasy land.#yummymummies

— Sarah. (@scollins131) July 9, 2017

I’m having a situation where I’m losing brain cells but I can’t turn it off.#yummymummies #YummyMummiesAU

— QueenSmoak (@Tinker_Shar) July 9, 2017

Margarita is force feeding FOUR pregnant women champagne now. #YummyMummies pic.twitter.com/BMtc88marz

— Timothy St James (@timothyjames) July 9, 2017

Maria’s mum#yummymummies https://t.co/ADIcF4IxqX pic.twitter.com/sFbhfLl4Bi

— Scott O’Halloran (@ScottOHalloran) July 9, 2017

My favourite theme of this episode is Maria yelling at random tables. Victim number one, “IM NOT HAVING THAT!!!” #YummyMummies pic.twitter.com/Ai5NjNADgG

— mat whitehead (@matwhi) July 9, 2017

A Chanel powder room ?????! You’ve seen it here first! #YummyMummiesAU pic.twitter.com/tsZ4evyZLI

— YummyMummies (@YummyMummiesAU) July 9, 2017

I have never loved life so much #yummymummiesau

— Olivia Zumbö (@oliviazumbo_) July 9, 2017

Jess the co-ordinator is the hero for the common people! #YummyMummies #YummyMummiesAU pic.twitter.com/ADWsJR1Pp3

— Anthony Farrell (@AnthoBuzzTV) July 9, 2017

Yesssss calling out the laminex countertops! #YummyMummies pic.twitter.com/US0708AMhF

— Timothy St James (@timothyjames) July 9, 2017

I really didn’t want to be watching the absolute dumpster fire that is #yummymummies, but what can I say? I’m a deeply flawed person.

— Ivana Kovac Kuti (@IKKsays) July 9, 2017

Yes, it’s trash. It’s fake. It’s gobsmackingly bitchy. And it’s likely to run for eight seasons straight, with these kinds of hate-watching numbers. 

Power to you, girls. Can’t wait to see the biggest baby shower in Adelaide go down without a hitch.