The world feels like a goddamn simulation right now, so what better way to forget about your problems than by playing the OG simulation, The Sims.
No, not The Sims 4. Not even The Sims 3. Nope. We’re talking the OG game, simply titled The Sims. The one that started it all.
The Sims franchise turns 20 this year, and what better way to celebrate than by taking it right back to the beginning? In honour of the 20th anniversary of what is arguably one of the best game franchises of all time, it is officially time to rank the expansions based on nothing other than my personal feelings towards them.
The Sims: Deluxe Edition
Let’s be real here, Deluxe Edition was literally just the base game for rich kids. You got a few extra outfits and furniture items, but the game was essentially the same.
Granted, you could customise your character a little more than in the base game, but would I pay extra money for this content? Absolutely not. You’re not fooling me EA Games, this is hardly an expansion pack.
The Sims: Superstar
The Sims: Superstar had the potential to be something great, but instead, it was a flop. Despite having cameos from early 00s stars like Avril Lavigne, Freddie Prinze Jr and Christina Aguilera, the game offered little else in the form of exciting new content.
You could become a celebrity with a few new career options, you could visit Studio Town, but other than that, this game was boring as bat shit. NEXT.
The Sims: House Party
Like Superstar, The Sims: House Party offered a sneaky little cameo from Drew Carey (which proves how fucking old this expansion is). This wasn’t a bad expansion, per se, but it also wasn’t exactly a great expansion.
As the name suggests, it allows you become the life of the party and bust a move on the dance floor. I never quite liked this expansion at the time, but now that I’ve spent two weeks without seeing another human being, I would frankly sell a kidney for the opportunity to throw an in-game rave. Sign me the fuck up.
If Drew Carey wasn’t enough to tickle your fancy, this expansion also gave you the ability to buy a cake filled with strippers, which is truly ICONIC.
The Sims: Livin’ Large
Livin’ Large was the very first expansion to The Sims series. While it may not have given us the ability to get really horny, go on a holiday or cast some spells, it was a huge improvement to the base game.
This expansion gave us our first taste of new career opportunities, people, objects and abilities in the game. At the time, this expansion was HUGE. Obviously, the dozens of expansions we’ve seen since have really upped the ante, but this was a big deal back in 2000.
Highlights of this game include the iconic and incredibly horny Vibromatic Heart Bed and the introduction of the Grim Reaper.
The Sims: Vacation
Released in the same year as the hit Simple Plan song of the same name, Vacation was a serious game changer for The Sims. Obviously, it allowed you to go on holidays, but it also gave us the ability to visit different environments like beaches, forests and snowy mountains. Before the introduction of the Seasons expansion in The Sims 2, this was our first taste of different weather patterns.
This expansion also introduced the half-pipe, giving us all the ability to pretend we were Shaun White. I’m talkin’ bout Moutain Dew, baby.
Not quite the best expansion, but definitely not the worst.
The Sims: Hot Date
If you weren’t forcing your Sims to WooHoo 37 times per day, you weren’t playing The Sims correctly. Prior to Hot Date, you were unable to visit other lots and go on dates with other characters, instead being confined to your own lot. Boring.
In addition to introducing the concept of in-game relationships, this expansion also gave us the blessed Niagara Love Tub and the Cuddle Couch, which were both surefire ways to get your Sims horned up and ready for some WooHoo.
Hot Date is an iconic part of The Sims‘ history, this is the horny energy we needed back in 2001 and it’s the horny energy we need today. You’re probably not getting any WooHoo in real life right now, but your Sims have been getting it since 2001.
The Sims: Unleashed
I’ve got one word for you: dogs.
Before the 2002 release of The Sims: Unleashed, pets were non-existent in the world of The Sims. Considering they’re now an integral part of every new release of the game, this is obviously one of the best expansions the game has ever seen.
Not only could you adopt dogs and cats, but you could also train them in housebreaking, hunting and obedience, which was pretty damn cool if your parents wouldn’t let you get a real pet.
The Sims: Makin’ Magic
The Sims: Makin’ Magic is by far the best Sims release of all time. Across all four versions of the game, nothing has ever lived up to the magical, mystical world of Makin’ Magic. You could cast spells, learn alchemy and explore the carnival in Magic Town.
This was the final expansion before the release of The Sims 2, and it was by far the best. After jumping through a hole in the ground, you’d be transported to the wonderful world of Magic Town, in which you could buy a pet dragon, craft a gargoyle or practice casting spells.
Look at the joy on this man’s face. You simply can’t put a price on the happiness that one receives while riding this creepy ass rollercoaster.
The Sims has blessed our lives for two wonderful decades. But somehow, out of more than 50 expansions, nothing quite lives up to the thrill of riding that damn rollercoaster in Makin’ Magic.
More Stuff From PEDESTRIAN.TV
Steaming New ‘Sims 4’ Update Allows You To Light The Toot On Fire With Your Piss
The Sims 2 WooHoo Video Was, & Will Always Be, The Horniest 20 Secs In Computer Game History
I Don’t Mean To Alarm You But ‘The Sims 4’ Is 75% Off As A Little Self-Isolation Treat
‘The Sims 4’ Is Free Right Now, Officially Commencing Hibernation Season