The ‘Sharknado‘ series. It’s a pure treat. A joyous celebration of what happens when you embrace a completely batshit insane idea and commit to it 100%.
And because too much of a good thing is clearly a myth, we are now approaching the release of the fifth film in the franchise.
Officially titled ‘Sharknado: Global Swarming‘ (hell YES it is), producers for the film today revealed a little more information about the upcoming flying fish flick’s plot. If you were expecting any semblance of sanity, you can bloody forget it.
This time around, with the dreaded shark storm spreading across the globe, the film will follow “Fin Shepard (Ian Ziering) and his bionic wife, April (Tara Reid) when their young son gets trapped in a traveling ‘nado and transported all over the world.”
In a travelling tornado.
Just hanging out in the middle of a buncha’ wind and bitey fish. Sounds metal as fuck, TBH.
But it somehow gets better.
In addition to the plot synopsis, producers also released the extended cast ah uh…
Folks, Fabio is playing the Pope.
The Pope of the Roman Catholic Church, as played by ole’ goose-face himself Fabio.
The Beautiful Pope. Sextus Empiricus. Il Papi.
Obviously that’s the biggest takeaway from the extended cast announcement, but for shits and giggles here is the rest:
Chris Kattan will play the UK Prime Minister.
Tony Hawk is portraying a “masterful weapons operative strategist.” Presumably with kickflips.
Clay Aiken is a “cutting-edge technology genius.” Presumably without kickflips.
Olivia Newton-John and her daughter Chloe Lattanzi are brilliant scientists who help defend Australia from the shark storm which is extremely good and correct.
Bret Michaels is a visiting artist who also gets trapped inside the storm which is nothin’ but a bad time.
Margaret Cho as a “fussy bride.”
Charo as the Queen of England (lol).
Gilbert Gottfried as a storm chaser, which we would watch an entire movie of to be quite freakin’ honest.
Greg Louganis as a high-end art thief.
‘Real Housewives of Atlanta‘ star Porsha Williams as an archeologist and a member of the elite “Sharknado Sisterhood” (holy shit).
Tiffany from ‘Flavor of Love‘ as a Brazilian artefacts dealer.
Ross Mullan, who plays a White Walker on ‘Game of Thrones‘, as scientist by the name of Dr. Wobbegon who discovers how to track Sharknado storms.
God… god damn.
‘Sharknado 5‘ is scheduled to air via SyFy come August 6th.
Fingers crossed for a holy blessing from Pope Fabio.
Photo: Marueen Donaldson/Getty.