Her Maj is often overlooked when it comes to badass people roaming the planet. But don’t be fooled, she’s a spirited soul who’s as tough as they come. The Queen not only has to contend with a family of over-privileged petulant root-rats, but an empire of Commonwealth nations lead by people who’d rather suck right up to her directly than follow the processes set out by their own Governments. And on top of that she’s got to find time to go to all those annoying official visits with other high-profile gits who think that just because she’s the Queen of Bloody England that that means they’re worthy of the occasional how do. So what happens when you’ve got to pop off down to Italy for the afternoon and meet the new(ish)ly installed Pope, your rival Religious head-of-state? You ignore just about every official protocol there is. That’s what you bloody well do.
For starters, Liz and Phil’s first port of call in Italy was lunch with Italian President, Giorgio Napolitano, a man who is not only badass in name, by is badass by nature as well, having to deal with the perpetual motion device of scandal known as Silvio Berlusconi, and thus is a man with whom the British monarchs seemingly share a great affinity for. They like him so much, in fact, that they were 20 minutes late to their next port of call, a first official meeting with Pope Francis. “Sorry to keep you waiting, we were having lunch with the President,” Her Maj quipped, which is the kind of thing you can say when you’re Queen Badass and can do whatever the fuck you want.
Normally female visitors to the Pope are required to wear a black dress and a veil. Instead, Lizzie donned her trademark style outfit in lilac with a sick little hat that had flowers on it. Why? Because FUCK YOU, I’m the Queen. That’s why. Pope Francis (whose name, if you spin it around, sounds like that one shitty dude on the block who borrows things and never returns them. Sample dialogue: “Dave! You still got that garden vac?” “Nah. Francis Bloody Pope’s got it. I’ll never see it again.”) presented the Queen with a gift for her infant great-grandson, Prince George, in the form of an ornamental lapis lazuli globe with the inscription “Pope Francis, to his Royal Highness Prince George of Cambridge.” After inspecting it, the Queen remarked “He’ll be thrilled with that,” before pausing and caustically adding “When he’s a little older.” BURN.
They then showered more appropriate gifts back on the Pope in the form of a bottle of whisky, because lord knows that bloke could use a stiff drink, before ending the meeting after only twenty minutes to leave and catch the next royal plane back home. All the while
Prince Philip maintained his form of being one of the most
outrageously, inappropriately hilarious old blokes on the face of the planet.
Never change, Liz. Never ever change.
Photo: WPA Pool via Getty Images.
