If you felt a great disturbance in the force this morning, as if hundreds of politician’s sphincters cried out in terror and suddenly contracted, your feelings are true.
Today, the fourteen new Senators elected to the upper house during the spectacular misfire that was Malcolm Turnbull‘s dance with the double dissolution entered the floor of Federal Parliament for the first time.
The Senate’s official Twitter account marked the occasion with a portrait of the brand new 14 that’s less “class photo” and more rocking some severe “here’s your first glimpse at the cast of ‘Australian Survivor‘!” vibes.
Welcoming our new Senators in the Senate chamber pic.twitter.com/ICAdGP5oTN
— Australian Senate (@AuSenate) August 25, 2016
From L to R we have: Brian Burston (One Nation), Pauline Hanson (One Nation), Jonathon Duniam (Liberal), Malcolm Roberts (One Nation), Rod Culleton (One Nation), James Paterson (Liberal), Derryn Hinch (Derryn Hinch’s Justice Party), Murray Watt (Labor), Jane Hume (Liberal), Pat Dodson (Labor), Skye Kakoschke-Moore (NXT), Anthony Chisholm (Labor), Stirling Griff (NXT), Don Farrell (Labor), Malarndirri McCarthy (Labor).
That’s quite the motley-lookin’ crew, if ever we’ve seen one. The mob of angry voices that the Turnbull Government will now have to contend with, after re-jigging the Senate voting rules in order to kick the previous unruly mob of crossbenchers out. The backfiring: It bites hard.
But, naturally, a large influx of new politicians such as these can be massively confusing for any casual punter. So we’ve taken the liberty of looking in to the Class of 2016, finding interesting little titbits and morsels of information that may or not be interesting to you, our beloved readers.
And trust us when we say, there’s good, there’s bad, and then there’s downright weird in here.
ROD CULLETON (One Nation): Aside from standing like he rode in on a 12-foot-wide horse in the above photo, he’s actually up on a raft of pending criminal charges at the moment. In March of this year, Culleton was convicted in absentia (meaning he didn’t bloody show up to court) on a charge of larceny stemming from an incident in northern NSW in 2014, where he allegedly yanked the keys out of a tow truck driver‘s hand during an altercation. Cullerton had the conviction annulled, meaning he is free to take his place in the Senate for the moment. But the case is due to be heard by the court again in September.
Also, he’s pretty good at rocking a bang-up Gil Gunderson cosplay, by the look of things.
JAMES PATERSON (Liberal): Career politician and political advisor who once interned for US congressman Lincoln Díaz-Balart, a Republican representative who voted against the bailout of Wall St during the 2008 financial crisis.
PAT DODSON (Labor) and MALARNDIRRI McCARTHY (Labor): The 6th and 8th-ever Indigenous members of Australian Federal Parliament.
DON FARRELL (Labor): Previously served in the Senate up until 2014, so absolutely stuffed if I know what he’s doing in this picture of first-time senators; the equivalent of weird Uncle Harold trying to get in on the photo of you and your pals at your 21st. Get out of there, m8.
STIRLING GRIFF (NXT): Runaway new leader in the race for “politician’s name that sounds most like a Warcraft raid boss.“
MALCOLM ROBERTS (One Nation): Documented pest and one of the biggest climate change deniers in the country; once wrote a letter to then-PM Julia Gillard demanding to be exempt from paying the carbon tax. Consistently denies being one of those twits following the whole “sovereign citizen” malarky, despite the fact that he PRETTY BLOODY OBVIOUSLY IS.
DERRYN HINCH (Justice): The literal mountain of brow-furrowing fodder that follows the man aside, the fact that the official Senate photo makes him look like Darth Bloody Vader cannot be a coincidence.
He finds your lack of faith (in his repeated, ad nauseam assertions that pedophiles are bad) disturbing.
PAULINE HANSON (One Nation): Once ran a fish & chip shop that is now owned by Vietnamese immigrants, and published a book in 1997 claiming that by 2050 Australia would be ruled by an Asian lesbian cyborg named Poona Li Hung. NEVER BLOODY FORGET IT.
We’ve got 6 whole years with this lot running the show in the Upper House. Lord, give us strength.
Photo: Australian Senate/Twitter.
