The Latest Insulting Take On The Housing Crisis Misses Some Vital Fkn Info

We’re tired of the massive obstacles young Australians are forced to overcome on the way to property ownership, but shit, we’re almost saltier ’bout the stream of bad takes on this generation-defining issue.

A new piece, published today in the Courier Mail, shows why.

Titled “Young property millionaires share their tips on how to break into real estate”, the article was published to Facebook with *this* piece of rage-clickable copy:

Splendid. Throw it on the avo-pile, folks. We’ve been fucking it up this whole time.

However, apart from that lil’ tidbit, nearly every other aspect of the article shows why it, uh, really can’t be done by just anyone. 

We’ll say right now that building a property portfolio takes nous. It takes clever investment and an eye for opportunity. It’s an achievement. But some inherent advantages just can’t be glazed over.

Speaking to readers under 35, the piece opens by saying “chances are you are well acquainted with the feeling of despair” stoked by auctions in Melbourne and Sydney.

It continues, saying “the homes often go to cashed-up investors or your parents (who may or may not be buying the property for you, depending on your good fortune).”

The foreshadowing is so severe, it’s essentially a silhouette.

The piece provides mini-profiles on a series of investors, including the aforementioned Jade Hamilton. it says the 27-year-old investor has a property portfolio that’s expected to hit $5M in value.

The tale of how she did it – remember, that was the hook of the article – is totally absent, apart from the advice “do your research and don’t give up.” 

Standing in for any further explanation is another quote, where she says “I have been around [property] my whole life, as my Dad’s a builder and my parents have built up their portfolio from nothing and now own a 184-home rental community.”

Hmm.

The piece hones in on another investor, Sydney’s Stephanie Brennan. She owns nine properties with a value of $3.1M. Her advice?

So, essentially, if you’re having trouble buying in a major capital city, tough shit. In an earlier piece, Brennan also advised buyers to nab an investment property and negative gear the hell out of it, before even considering living in their own home. 

FWIW, her mother acted as guarantor on the first property she bought. That $60K contribution negated any need for Brennan to contribute a deposit. She also received a $50K inheritance, which she used to buy property in Scotland.

Feeling inspired yet? Okay, moving on.

Melbourne-based Raghav Goel comes next. The 28-year-old, whose 14-property portfolio is worth a casual $20M, says “recognising limitations in experience and knowledge is crucial and it’s best to work with experts at the very beginning.”

Fortunately for him, his grandfather is a resort developer, so that guidance on property may have been a lil’ easier to come by. Oh, he’s also currently “focusing on lofts,” ’cause he’s well aware people looking to move on from apartment living can’t afford full townhouses. 

Grand.

The piece closes with Nicholas Smedley, 33, whose current $3B portfolio – yeah, billion – catapulted from a $5M property portfolio.

The bloke actually admits how much harder it is for people in 2016 to do what he did in his early 20s, saying “there were far less banking regulations than there are today, so there’s no doubt it’s harder to do it than when I started.”

He also didn’t offer any advice whatsoever on cracking the property market, just common-sense tips on what properties you should look for if you can already afford it. 

Also, minor detail: Smedley’s dad, Peter Smedley, was chief of the Colonial Group until 2000, which was bought by the Commonwealth Bank of Australia for $8.5B. In a 2007 piece, their family home was described as a “$7 million Toorak mansion.”

To reiterate: the article does indeed present a story for all the “whingeing young people who say it can’t be done.” 

It goes like this:

1. Be born.
2. Have parents who, by merit of their financial standing or handle of the property market, can either guide your investments or provide a legitimate safety net.
3. ????
4. Profit.

Problem fucking sorted.

Source: Courier Mail.
Photo: Brendon Thorne / Getty.