The Internet’s Own Kurt Coleman Suffered Head Injuries In An Alleged Assault


Selfie-provocateur, consumer of about 23% of the nation’s fake tan supplies, poster child for the geographic embodiment of a Kardashians episode that is the Gold Coast Kurt Coleman is certainly many things. But unfortunately for him, “assault victim” seems to be the newest – and most unwanted – string to his bow.

The 17 year-old Pouting Thomas was admitted to Robina Hospital last night following an alleged altercation with a 36 year-old man at a party in Miami – just south of Surfers Paradise – at a Grand Final party last night. A statement posted by his agent – of course he has one – on Coleman’s Facebook page confirmed that the teenager had been released early this morning following treatment for minor head injuries.


Queensland Police confirmed that the older man had been taken into custody and was assisting with enquiries, whilst adding that it believed both parties were quite intoxicated at the time of the incident.
Whilst the ordeal may have been somewhat traumatic for the burgeoning Fabio, that certainly didn’t stop his selfie game being fierce. Fans on social media noted he was posting Snapchats from his hospital bed. And in this moment we thank the based gods for the screenshot function.

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Omg i hope your okay @kurtcoleman you still look amazing #perflikekurt

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As delicious as the ironing of all this might be, a 36 year-old man taking a swing at a 17 year-old boy? That ain’t right. That ain’t right at all.
Unless of course the whole thing was a zany scheme preceded by this.
My face! My valuable face!
Photo via Facebook.

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