The Herald Suggested New Melb Station Names & Mother Of Shit They’re Boring

Look, we all know how this is eventually going to end up. The five new underground train stations created for the ambitious Melbourne Metro project are all going to wind up with bland, mostly boring, probably geographically-linked names. And that’s fine. That’s how it’s supposed to be.

But for the love of dog, they’re not gonna open for multiple years. At least let us have fun with it in the interim.
The Herald Sun has run polls as to what the names of the new stations should be, after Public Transport Victoria announced they would be taking public suggestions for the naming process. And whilst everyone just about fell over themselves to shout Trainy McTrainface/Station McStationface/Trainy McStationface (that last one’s the best, IMO) the Herald’s suggestions are far more bland and uninteresting.
Putting up a poll for each new station, Melbourne’s resident Murdoch rag presented a handful of naming options for each and holy tapdancing shit they are boring as hell.
For the station temporarily named Arden, someone at the Herald is clearly a card-carrying North Melbourne Football Club member, suggesting either Archer or Shinboner as possible alternatives.
Now, the fact that “Shinboner” is the most interesting of any of them combined, if you’re gonna name a station after a former ‘Roos player you clearly should be going for Longmire. Or at the very least Schimmelbusch.
But that’s just my opinion on the matter.
The other stations didn’t fare much better, and the Herald’s own polls began falling away into weird absurdity as the blandness of it all apparently began to dawn on them.
So there you have it. If the Herald poll is any indication, in a few year’s time we’re gonna cop Arden, University, Latrobe, Federation, and Domain stations on the map.
Just between y’all and me, I still prefer my original suggestions.

The offer’s still on the table, Dan. You can even have them all for free.


Source: Herald Sun.

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