The Delicious Filling From Tide Pods Now Comes In Convenient Goon Form

In a move designed to reduce plastic waste, the delicious, forbidden liquid stored in the hellishly tempting Tide Pods will now be shipped out as a foil bladder inside a cardboard box, which is, as we all know, just a box of goon. Delicious, forbidden goon.

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According to CNN, the Tide Goon (not its real name) uses 60% less plastic than the equivalent amount of Tide that comes in a bottle. The box, which comes with a measuring cup and also convenient built-in feet for slightly elevating the box for optimum pouring, is also smaller, allowing more of them to fit on a truck.


Pictured: I’m going to invent goon with these little feet and make approximately $100,000,000. (Source: Procter & Gamble)

While the shipping logistics of a laundry detergent aren’t usually likely to be the most newsworthy thing in the world, the goon box variety of Tide is particularly interesting, given the wildly contentious meme about eating or pretending to eat Tide Pods.

According to a report from the Washington Post published January 17 this year, about 17 teens were reported as having intentionally ingested Tide Pods in just the first two weeks of 2018, with around 55 reports of teens intentionally eating them reported in the whole of 2017. That’s a big yikes from me.

While I maintain that Tide Pods look intoxicatingly delicious and that, somehow, that bright orange, easy-pour box of dangerous chemicals looks like it would really wet my whistle on a hot summer’s day, I must also insist that you do not eat, drink, putt up your butt, snort lines of, or otherwise consume in any fashion any product used for cleaning.

If you must insist on using laundry detergent recreationally, I strongly encourage that the only recreational use you have for it is having a very good time washing your clothes.

Do! Not! Eat!

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