If 2016 should have taught us one thing, it’s that the internet is absolutely not to be trusted to collectively name a thing.

And yet, it keeps happening. Time and time again, the naming of an object is put in the hands of an open form and people’s complete lack of self-control; the most dangerous of all combinations.

Because you’re doomed to repeat mistakes unless you decide to learn from them, we as a collective people will run that Object McObjectface gag into the goddamned ground because holy shit stop asking people to name things it never ends well.

To wit, the Australian Museum is seeking public input to name not one, but as many as nine Christmas Beetles, in a plan that will surely only yield very sensible answers and won’t at all descend into utter chaos immediately.

The naming is part of an on-going “competition” to find common names for a range of beetles; names which would then be adopted into the scientific lexicon as their proper English names.

3 beetles in the species have already copped proper names: The anoplognathus viridiaeneus is now enshrined as the King Beetle, the anoplognathus viriditarsis shall hencefore be referred to as the Queen Beetle, and the anoplognathus porosus has copped the cheery moniker of Washerwoman.

But a total of nine more Latin badboys are in need of common names, and all of those have very empty, very free, very write-whatever-you-damn-well-please text boxes that are just waiting for you to trundle on over and ruin some poor competition judge’s day.

Here’s your chance to put your mark on history so one day in the future you can explain to your grandkids about how back in Grandpa/Grandma’s day, everyone thought a frog riding a unicycle was the pinnacle of comedy and a murdered gorilla was the closest the world ever came to having a unified religion.

That might go a little bit of the way towards explaining why you keep insisting your family write “He was never horny” on your grave.

The form for naming the beetles of tomorrow is open right over here. Do your dang worst, folks.

Source: Australian Museum.