The worst part of doing a shoey, that time-honoured rite of passage that sees Young Aussies the nation over confirm their adulthood by sucking bulk piss out of a grubby boot, is clearly having to walk around with a damp shoe afterwards.
I mean, sure. There’s the unexpected warmth of the shoe as it hits your lips because you hadn’t factored in that it’s been attached to a human for hours. There’s the sweat and god-knows-what else that gets wooshed around into whatever it is you’re drinking. And then there’s that lingering sense of dread that follows you around the next day, constant gnawing at the back of your head reminding you that bloody hell I Hoovered down a frothy from out of my grubby shoe or even worse from out of someone else’s.
But the soggy sole bit? Sweet CHRIST it’s a bad time.
It was such a bad time that it seemed inevitable that some intrepid genius/odds-on Australian Of The Year favourite took shoey technology to a whole new, much more pro, level.
Enter the humble legends/certified loosest units Eshaygram and Gatorbeug.
The ribald Instagram account and purveyors of custom smokable finery have teamed up to take your shoey game to staggering new heights with the release of the custom Pro Shoey TN; a beautiful ceramic vessel from which to suckle upon the teat of the frothy beast.
The shoe, which we need to stress quite clearly is very real, holds a whopping 750ml of liquid, which means it’ll stash an entire bottle of wine, two full stubbies, or a longneck away, ready to be slammed down fast to the rapturous applause of your beloved peers.
BUT THAT’S NOT ALL!
As well as being a vessel for liver abuse, the Pro Shoey TN has a buttload of other handy uses, as the product’s press release explains:
“But drinking from this shit isn’t the only thing you can do – propagate some of those seeds you found in that
ounce you just bought or fill it with those B&H Smooth butts you like to munch on, or stash whatever shit you have
in the sick ’shabz blue’ colourway we came up with.”
Again we stress, it is a real thing that you can actually purchase for the princely sum of $75.00 plus shipping, which is already cheaper than a pair of actual shoes you’d probably be otherwise ruining with cheap prosecco.
Look at this thing! Bask in all its majesty!
It’s glorious. It’s magnificent. It’s a pride-of-place piece for any self-respecting pissup sharehouse’s mantlepiece, resting comfortably alongside that one fancy print of Kramer that everyone has when it’s not in use.
You can actually buy this item for the price listed above by chucking the Gatorbeug website a click.
Imagine tossing a bow and that badboy and presenting it to Damo on his 18th. Fuck, he’d be stoked.