‘Straya Doesn’t Know How To React To Legit Icy Pole ‘Stubbie Holders’

Look, for the most part, Australia’s annual war against the sun is over. Excluding some bizarre record-breaking highs that have been lingering around of late, the country is most definitely cooling down again. That means the ‘Strayan people shouldn’t be required to give a huge amount of thought to icy poles – at least for another nine months or so. 

Yet, just as the fickle mistress Autumn rears her breezy head, one Redditor decided to introduce the Australian board to a fundamental shift in the way we eat our frozen treats. Behold: the icy pole “stubbie holder.”

via Imgur.

While such advanced technology is almost too profound for our baboon minds, it seems the wetsuit-material sheaths are designed to be slipped onto your Cosmic Cola, insulating your precious digits from the frigid deliciousness within.

However young and cold-sensitive the target market may be, Redditors have by-and-large adopted a traditionalist approach to the whole matter, and have disregarded the invention as a callous slap in the face of hallowed Australian rites of passage. 

Sage wisdom on devouring a good ol’ pole without one of those bad boys has been passed down from generation to generation, and it’s now been spouted by adults on a real internet forum: 

There you have it, folks. Forget conflict Middle East, forget the provocations of North Korea. If shit goes down, remember this day: the day Australia began tearing itself apart over tubes of frozen sugar syrup.

At least it beats eating them when they’re entirely melted, right?