Look, for the most part, Australia’s annual war against the sun is over. Excluding some bizarre record-breaking highs that have been lingering around of late, the country is most definitely cooling down again. That means the ‘Strayan people shouldn’t be required to give a huge amount of thought to icy poles – at least for another nine months or so.
Yet, just as the fickle mistress Autumn rears her breezy head, one Redditor decided to introduce the Australian board to a fundamental shift in the way we eat our frozen treats. Behold: the icy pole “stubbie holder.”
While such advanced technology is almost too profound for our baboon minds, it seems the wetsuit-material sheaths are designed to be slipped onto your Cosmic Cola, insulating your precious digits from the frigid deliciousness within.
However young and cold-sensitive the target market may be, Redditors have by-and-large adopted a traditionalist approach to the whole matter, and have disregarded the invention as a callous slap in the face of hallowed Australian rites of passage.
Sage wisdom on devouring a good ol’ pole without one of those bad boys has been passed down from generation to generation, and it’s now been spouted by adults on a real internet forum:
But the real drama has been sparked by those who are all about this technological leap forward.
There you have it, folks. Forget conflict Middle East, forget the provocations of North Korea. If shit goes down, remember this day: the day Australia began tearing itself apart over tubes of frozen sugar syrup.
At least it beats eating them when they’re entirely melted, right?