In a truly heinous crime, two scarlet macaws called Bubba and Pippa have been stolen from their owner after a burglary in Melbourne (*cue Law and Order music*).

What’s more, the birds are worth $30,000 buckerinos each. This nugget of info leaves me with many questions, like what makes a bird worth $30,000? Will I ever be worth $30,000? Was this a planned and calculated birdnapping by someone who knows how much scarlet macaws are apparently worth, or a theft of opportunity?

Victoria Police, please DM me if you’d like to collab.

According to parrotwebsite.com, an actual website that exists, macaws are expensive because they are “very exotic tropical birds with complex needs”.

Parrot fact: The most expensive macaws on the market are hyacinth macaws, which are jet blue and are native to Central and South America.

Victoria Police said in a statement that Bubba and Pippa have a “high sentimental value” to their owner as they belonged to her late father. I am literally incensed right now and will not stop until Bubba and Pippa are returned to their parent.

Apparently, both birds have their flight feathers clipped. This (predictably) means that they can’t fly away, and honestly this story is becoming more and more like my unpublished fanfiction for a third film in the Rio franchise.

The incident has predictably garnered sympathy and outrage in the bird loving community of Victoria. In one Facebook group, which is dedicated to lost birds, users shared their sympathy for the owner of the birds, with one writing: “people like this are scum off a rat’s arse”.

Hear hear, frankly.

Anyone with info about Bubba and Pippa’s whereabouts should contact Crime Stoppers on 1800 333 000.

Incredibly, this isn’t the only high value bird-napping of 2021. Back in April, two self-proclaimed Big Bird Bandits stole a $160,000 Big Bird costume from a circus in Adelaide. The two culprits were charged with theft and unlawfully being on the premises, and were also banned from the circus. A third person then went on to face court in September over the birdnapping.

We can only hope Bubba and Pippa receive the same level of justice because let’s be honest: whether they’re worth $30 off of Gumtree or $30,000 from a fancy parrot breeder, losing a beloved pet fucking sucks.

#BringBackBubbaAndPippa