Stefanos Tsitsipas is without any question one of the brightest prospects in international men’s tennis.
The 20-year-old world number 12 stunned at the Australian Open this year when he defeated Roger Federer and took a major semifinal. Then he showed he had immense off-the-court potential when, following his semifinal win, he asked the captive audience of the world to subscribe to his YouTube channel. In that precise moment we all knew that there was someone who could lean into and embrace the inherently odd energy of professional tennis.
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But now as the sports world has focused its gaze on Tsitsipas and his career more intently, we have come to realise a far deeper and greater truth: despite his tender age, he horny-posts with the grace and poise of a seasoned thirst veteran. That’s right, folks. What we have here is a new icon of uniquely European randiness, one who is ready to bulldoze the tired old tropes of badly-behaving sportsmen and lean into the wind. (The wind in this case is jizz.)
Behold, if you will, the post he made yesterday, which has captured everyone’s undivided attention:
I like me better naked. I don’t mean that in a vain way… When you put clothes on, you immediately put a character on. Clothes are adjectives, they are indicators. When you don’t have any clothes on, it’s just you, raw, and you can’t hide. pic.twitter.com/LxkSaHBEBM
— Stefanos Tsitsipas (@steftsitsipas) January 31, 2019
You could be forgiven if in this moment you believe that this is actually a stunt for a Ben Stiller movie in which he plays a toey yoga instructor who accidentally bumbles his way to the top of the tennis rankings as part of a promotion campaign for his new brand of organic aphrodisiacs. But no – this is real.
“Clothes are adjectives, they are indicators” sounds like something you might read as an opening gambit after matching on Tinder with a guy who works three days a week at a health spa in Byron Bay. It’s immensely powerful, maybe too powerful.
But some of Tsitsipas’ posts wear their pulsing sexuality in more subtle ways. Take for example this one:
When you photograph people in color you photograph their clothes. When you photograph people in black and white you photograph their souls. pic.twitter.com/v94tCEhXeK
— Stefanos Tsitsipas (@steftsitsipas) January 15, 2019
My dude here – already having mastered the horny European tennis guy aura – has decided to make a sideways gambit into the world of the first-year fine arts student who sleeps on a ratty floor mattress and would very much like to invite you to join him there. Stay in your lane, Stef!
And what about this post?
Any good cable management office desks?
— Stefanos Tsitsipas (@steftsitsipas) January 30, 2019
No, sorry, that one is very much normal. My apologies.
Now this is more like it:
𝖂𝖎𝖙𝖍 𝖊𝖛𝖊𝖗𝖞 𝖉𝖗𝖔𝖕 𝖔𝖋 𝖜𝖆𝖙𝖊𝖗 𝖞𝖔𝖚 𝖉𝖗𝖎𝖓𝖐, 𝖊𝖛𝖊𝖗𝖞 𝖇𝖗𝖊𝖆𝖙𝖍 𝖞𝖔𝖚 𝖙𝖆𝖐𝖊, 𝖞𝖔𝖚’𝖗𝖊 𝖈𝖔𝖓𝖓𝖊𝖈𝖙𝖊𝖉 𝖙𝖔 𝖙𝖍𝖊 𝖘𝖊𝖆. 𝕹𝖔 𝖒𝖆𝖙𝖙𝖊𝖗 𝖜𝖍𝖊𝖗𝖊 𝖔𝖓 𝕰𝖆𝖗𝖙𝖍 𝖞𝖔𝖚 𝖑𝖎𝖛𝖊. pic.twitter.com/3wXLfnqOZ7
— Stefanos Tsitsipas (@steftsitsipas) November 23, 2018
Note that not only has he made a post about the ocean – scientifically the most sexual biome on the planet – he’s also done it in that weird gothic font favoured by hormonal teenagers unleashing the repressed spoils of puberty onto Tumblr. Tsitsipas, you make my job too easy, my friend.
This one is just too much, and might even constitute a crime in several jurisdictions:
Do you need a ride? pic.twitter.com/RSF3pid0Sm
— Stefanos Tsitsipas (@steftsitsipas) May 13, 2018
C’mon dude. Calm the fuck down.
But, despite not being quite as overtly sexual, this one here is the peak one – the post which clued Internet archaeologists to the fact that we are dealing with something perhaps unprecedented here. This is the post which turned me into a professional Tsitsipologist, dedicating my life to understanding and perhaps harnessing his forbidden energies.
nourish your sensations. pic.twitter.com/7qk3kYsqv4
— Stefanos Tsitsipas (@steftsitsipas) July 23, 2018
Nourish your sensations.
Nourish your sensations.
I don’t even need to write anything.
Stefanos, please, keep doing what you are doing. It takes only one person to change the world.
