Start Digging Yr Bunker, ‘Cos Trump Wants The US To Build More Nukes

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Published

December 23, 2016

Look, at this point, is anyone even surprised? Nobody’s favourite pussy-grabbing, climate change-denying, racial hate-fuelling diseased ball bag is at it again (and by it, we mean the whole ‘being President-Elect of the United States of America‘ thing).

This time, Donald Trump has announced (through a tweet, of course) that “The United States must greatly strengthen and expand its nuclear capability.”

The United States must greatly strengthen and expand its nuclear capability until such time as the world comes to its senses regarding nukes

— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) December 22, 2016

Awesome! Great fucking news. If you need me, I’ll be in my backyard furiously digging an underground nuclear bunker with my bare hands and stocking up on cans of baked beans.

Of course, this news doesn’t come out of nowhere. During his election campaign, Trump mentioned in interviews that expanding the USA’s nuclear program might not be such a crazy idea, adding that while nuking the shit out of his enemies would be his last resort (Jesus, you would hope so) he would want to be “unpredictable”.

It’s a stark contrast from Obama’s work towards peaceful, nuke-free foreign policy. But soon, old mate Obama won’t be around anymore. Instead, an orange-faced loon will hold the nuclear codes and the highest office of the United States. EXCELLENT.

BBC News has reported that Trump’s nuke-happy tweet comes just hours after his best frenemy, Russian President Vladimir Putin, met with his military advisors, and came out with the following:

We need to strengthen the military potential of strategic nuclear forces, especially with missile complexes that can reliably penetrate any existing and prospective missile defence systems.

According to the US nonpartisan Arms Control Association, Russia has 7,300 nuclear weapons, and the US has 7,100. Just your friendly neighbourhood arms race, then.

Unsurprisingly, Trump’s tweet was swiftly swooped upon by his (presumably) harried team of henchmen. His communications manager, Jason Miller, attempted to clarify the tweet, saying that:

He was referring to the threat of nuclear proliferation and the critical need to prevent it – particularly to and among terrorist organisations and unstable and rogue regimes.

Sure, Russia’s growing influence (not to mention Putin’s general existence) is mildly terrifying, but preventing nuclear war by increasing the number of nuclear weapons? Sounds like some sound logic, Trump.