Most of you with even a passing interest in The Simpsons and pub trivia – and, real talk, the centre of that Venn Diagram is particularly broad – would have seen or heard of The Simpsons Best Trivia Nights, sometimes marketed as merely The Simpsons Trivia Nights; a touring Simpsons-themed trivia night that has done the rounds of the country, as well as nights abroad in the UK.
Seeing as our friend Jarryd didn’t have the foresight to use a newsletter service to contact all of you lovely people I thought I’d take this opportunity to tell you why I’m not going to anymore of these Simpsons trivia nights and why you shouldn’t either.
1) The organiser is a homophobe. Sure, he mightn’t actually hate gay people but he could barely let a moment pass without saying something is “gay” which is not a personality flaw I’ve encountered since grade 5.
2) The organiser drinks in excess. If you’re looking for someone who is drunk before the trivia starts and continues to get drunker as the evening progresses, going so far as to spill a beer and derail the trivia for 20 minutes, then this night is for you!
3) The venues are poorly organised. One unfortunate team of four had to share a table with another team of 8 who they’d never met before……IN FRONT OF A SPEAKER. Don’t worry, by the end of the night they’d all bonded over this shitful trainwreck of a trivia night.
While both these teams acknowledge that space was at a premium they didn’t appreciate the hosts’ complete disregard for their comfort. He shouted into the microphone for the whole night (again, drunk) and when someone complained and, ultimately had to leave to save his bleeding ear drums, the organiser called him names from stage even though his friends were all still at the table.
4) When one member of the team who sat in front of the speaker contacted the organisers to make a complaint, the organiser had the temerity to say that the complainant just didn’t understand how hard it is to run a trivia night and that the complainant should cut them some slack.
5) It’s too expensive! Seriously, $200 for a table?
6) The trivia itself isn’t actually that good. When you put aside the glaring lack of basic organisational skills the trivia is unoriginal and in some cases they weren’t even sure of the answers to the questions they were asking.
6) They hire friends. Now normally there’s nothing wrong with doing this but when you’ve got someone with NO SOUND EXPERIENCE in charge of the sound, things are bound to get a little shitty. From being able to not hear questions at all to having tinnitus for days, this guy had you covered.
In summary, if you love the Simpsons and don’t want that love tarnished by a bogan in a Homer Simpson body suit which, let’s be honest, has probably never been washed, avoid The Simpsons Best Moments trivia nights.
Death to Shelbyville!
As a former attendee of these events, this writer can personally confirm the allegations of drunken behaviour and homophobic language, which at one point saw the host utter the phrase “Don’t use your phones, guys. Don’t be gay. Don’t be gay,” when attempting to explain proper pub trivia etiquette.