Christmas can bring out the worst in anyone, don’t get me wrong, but jeebus I really wouldn’t mind murdering my siblings in the lead up to December 25.
They’re fairly insufferable on your average day, but add deadlines, budgets, social commitments, dietary requirements and general self absorbedness into that mix and oh holy night, I’m just about ready to voodoo doll the lot of ’em. Don’t even get me started on costs (thank goodness for payment splitting apps like Beem It, amirite?).
I’m not being grinchy (I actually play All I Want For Christmas right through January), please hear me out. Here’s why I’m glad to see the back of those heads which are annoyingly similar to mine come Boxing Day.
Making plans for the day itself
Making plans for December 25 would have to be the crème de la crème of sibling annoyance this time of year. Unfortunately, it’s a drawn-out experience too, starting in October to allow for interstate commitments and such.
It shouldn’t be such a drama, but when you’re a family of seven with some in-laws in the mix it’s a bloody disaster. Why? Because people in relationships have to consider other people’s feelings. Wild concept, I know.
In short, they’ve all got to check what their respective in-laws are doing before they can commit to, you know, THEIR REAL FAMILY.
It adds another layer to the already very complex onion that is Christmas.
Me? Just give me a location and I’ll make sure I show up.
IT SHOULDN’T BE THIS HARD.
Tackling the gifting convo
Inject money into any conversation and things get uncomfortable pretty quickly.
First you’ve gotta decide whether or not it’s an everyone-gets-a-car or a Secret Santa kind of year. That conversation in and of itself is boring, unnecessary and dumb because we all know the answer: Secret Santa, like it has been for the last 17 years.
Why are these relatives so incessant on wasting my time?
But no, we’re not done – we’ve got to tackle the ugliest duckling otherwise known as the budget. After everyone going through their own personal sad or impressive financial situations (no one cares) we agree on $100. You’re only buying for one sibling, instead of all three, seems reasonable.
Couldn’t have cared less if the budget was $300 tbh. Just give me a figure and I’ll do my bit.
IT SHOULDN’T BE THIS HARD.
Deciding how much to spend on / what to get mum
All hell breaks loose when I see the latest group chat message appear on my screen.
“How much are we spending on mum?”
Do not open. Do not open. Do not open. They’ll never know you’ve “read” it if you don’t open it.
Now when it comes to mum, the girl deserves the world, that is round and definitely not flat and rapidly disintegrating due to climate change. I’d happily spend a grand on her this year and every year that follows.
Again, best to just agree to whatever these dictators of Christmas would like and secretly spend more on mother dearest.
IT SHOULDN’T BE THIS HARD.
Working out how to divide responsibilities + costs
I’ll admit my own weaknesses here, because I’m basically a Christmas sloth.
As much as the seasonal organising becomes hell on earth, I get away with sitting on the sidelines and letting them do all the work here.
If I have to skim a few hundred messenger notifications about precisely the same thing every day for roughly eight weeks (do these relatives not have jobs? I don’t get it) in exchange for hardly lifting a finger in the lead up to Christmas, I’ll take it.
Weirdly, the money part is the easiest anyway because of apps like Beem It. You can pay, transfer, request and split money in a much easier fashion than requesting it 17 times in a Facebook group chat, with bank deets and all that nonsense. I can’t tell you the hours I’ve wasted scrolling through group chats for bank deets.
IT SHOULDN’T BE THIS HARD.
