As coronavirus lockdown laws begin to relax, you’re finally able to see your friends again. So why not use this shopping cart theory to see if they’re worthy of your friendship or if they’re just total assholes?

Dubbed the “shopping cart theory,” this simple question is considered “the ultimate litmus test for whether a person is capable of self-governing,” according to the anonymous person who posted it online. A reputable source to base your friendships off, I know.

The test asks a simple question: when you’re at the shops, do you return the trolley to the trolley bay, or do you just leave it in the middle of the carpark?

I know what you’re thinking, what the fuck does a shopping trolley have to do with being a self-governing, good member of society?

Well as the theory goes, whether or not you return the shopping trolley determines what kind of person you are. Why? Well because there’s no real consequences to NOT returning the trolley, nobody really cares if you do or don’t and there’s no reward for doing the right thing. But that’s just the thing, we all know that putting back the trolley IS the right thing

“A person who is unable to do this is no better than an animal, an absolute savage who can only be made to do what is right by threatening them with a law and the force that stands behind it” the post reads.

Honestly, I agree. If you’re not putting back the trolley, you’re an absolute savage (and not the Meghan Thee Stallion kind).

After quickly descending into complete and utter madness following my first glance at this theory, I decided to ask some of my coworkers what they do so I could secretly decide which ones I like and which ones are secretly little gremlins. But in addition to realising that some of my coworkers truly are the savages we speak of, I also became aware that this isn’t a black and white discussion.

And so I propose to you: the shopping cart theory scale.

Some of us (the good ones) will return the trolley to a trolley bay, while others will leave it in the middle of the car park like a total imbecile. But then there’s the chaotic neutral people who don’t quite go to the extent of putting the trolley back in the bay, but they at least make the effort of putting it somewhere out of everyone else’s way. Maybe it’s a garden bed or a footpath, it doesn’t really matter as long as it’s not taking up a car park.

“The shopping cart is what determines whether a person is a good or bad member of society.”

Go on, ask your friends if they put the trolley back in the bay and cause a bit of chaos in your group chat. You’re only allowed 5 friends at your house right now and this is the perfect way to decide which of your mates are the weakest link.

Image: The Simpsons