So it was just the Easter long weekend. Of course thanks to Miss Rona, I couldn’t go anywhere or really do anything, much like everyone else. After tending to some activities to keep me busy for a few hours (DIY waxing), I decided my next activity was to post a story on Instagram. This was what I posted:

Try not to all follow me at once…

Now, I’m a smart and interesting girl. Why would I post that? I took it down right away, and opted for a selfie instead. I took it down even quicker. It was somehow even less interesting than the chicken. Why did I want to post so bad when I had nothing interesting to show? I was so disgusted in myself that if there was an ocean near by, I would have thrown my phone into it.

I decided to look through my friends accounts and saw they all had stories. If they are posting, surely they have interesting things to post.

But I was wrong. It seems everyone is struggling to make interesting content during isolation.

Here’s my friend Marcus, who posted a photo of a sauce bottle bubble.

Here’s my girl Melissa letting Josie know VIA ALL OF US that she is ready for some sort of AAMH reunion

Here’s my friend Will, who shared his decent stroll for the world to see.

Deec.

Here is my friend Shaunagh, who is showing us what she is watching on the telly.

Here’s my friend Anna, who posted some ingredients or some shit.

Why am I looking at this?

Instagram stories are shit at the best of times, and I’ve never expected a Tarantino film out of them. But my word, lockdown has taken Instagram stories to new lows. We’ve swapped nights out with houseplants, vacay snaps for pics half finished puzzles. I think we should rework the phrase “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all” for 2020 times. Maybe “If you have nothing good to post, don’t post anything at all”.

Instagram stories usually: You wish you were me. Look at all my shit. Look how hot I am. Yes, I’m on a boat again, don’t you have one? Look at this hottie I’m currently fucking. You won’t believe what kind of adventure I’m on right now. Didn’t anyone invite you to this sick dance party I’m at? My pets have more followers than you, lol.

Instagram stories during Corona: Yes, I’m still alive. Get a load of this chicken in pants.

Instagram stories serve one purpose and one purpose only, to make everyone watching hate themselves and their lives. So if your Instagram story doesn’t make me hate myself, it wasn’t a good story. I didn’t hate myself once this weekend, what a shame.

Please enjoy more shitty posts from my friends:

ok that one was my Instagram Story

Here’s my room mate. I watched her take the pic and upload it. I had the same thing for dinner but spared my followers a post about it.

Let’s do better, together.