STOP THE DAMN PRESSES, a woman named Dorothy is missing.
More specifically, a female-orientated sex doll by the name of Dorothy is missing, after a bloke wearing stockings on his head stole her from a sex shop in Melbourne.
Victoria Police have released images of the burglary and Dorothy in an effort to track down the $4,495 missing sex doll.
A man described as having a “a solid build” broke into the Moorabbin-based sex shop last week, shortly after 6am on Sunday morning.
It’s believed he gained access to the store by using bolt cutters to get through the fence, and then a fire hydrant to get into the store.
He was wearing “a dark coloured jumped with a red stripe across the chest, dark coloured pants and dark coloured casual shoes with white laces”, as well as “a pair of stockings over his head”.
If that visual word salad hasn’t done the trick, then here’s what CCTV managed to capture.
He was driving a white Ford Transit van. This is not admissible evidence or anything, but we all know nothing good has ever happened in a white van.
Dorothy, a Life Like Doll, is something of a luxe object in the world of sex toys. As well as the usual vagina, anal and mouth entries, she also has a skeleton (which allows her to stand up), comes in a range of heights and bust sizes, and is customisable down to skin tone and nail colour.
We must ask ourselves: was our (alleged) criminal merely horny? Or is there a black market for stolen sex dolls?
If anyone has any information about the crime in question, they are urged to call Crime Stoppers on 1800 333 000, or make a confidential report here.
Dorothy… they’re coming for you. Hang tight.
