I sincerely apologise for forcing you to read the words “Shrek’s pocket pussy” but I honestly have no fucking idea how else to describe this vile, green sea creature that washed up on a beach in Sydney’s south.

Look at this alien-like abomination.

Washed up sea slug at Darook Beach in Cronulla, Sydney
I am GAGGING. Image source: Facebook

If the signs of decay weren’t sufficiently revolting, it’s also the size of a football. Please, spare the Sherrin and use this thing in the Grand Final so it can be kicked away into hell.

Per Yahoo! News, a local resident spotted the foul beast at Darook Beach in Cronulla and shared a photo of it on Facebook.

“Does anyone know what this is? Have seen a number of these washed up this week,” they wrote.

“They are everywhere,” another person replied.

“I was also wondering what they are.”

According to Sea Life Sydney Aquarium aquarist Harry Masefield the bastard is a sea hare, or sea slug.

“This one doesn’t look too happy, likely climate change,” he told Yahoo! News.

No fucking shit it doesn’t look happy. Would you be chuffed if you looked as repugnant as that?

Fellow Sea Life Sydney Aquarium aquarist Daniel Sokolnikoff told The West Australian it looked like a local Sydney sea slug species.

“They come in a range of different colours. Basically, they have adapted to blend in with their environments,” he said.

“So you see them in really dark black colours, but then you also see them in browns, yellows, and even reds.”

Babe, I couldn’t give a fuck if you were a sexy Barbie-esque hot pink. Get in the bin completely toot suite, ploise.