During Prime Minister Scott Morrison‘s press conference today regarding achieving net zero emissions by 2050, the word “plan” was said 101 times. And yet, not a single one of those mentions clearly explained what the fuck this ‘plan’ actually entails.

Ahead of the upcoming COP26 Climate Summit in Glasgow next week, Scott Morrison and Angus Taylor (the Minister for Energy and Emissions Reduction) did a spectacular unveiling of our government’s grand plan for Australia’s target of net zero emissions by 2050. And by spectacular unveiling, I mean he waffled on for 50 minutes and didn’t actually say anything interesting or new.

Basically, it was this but in Morrison form:

In his soft-launch of the ‘plan’, Morrison said it won’t cost jobs in “farming, mining or gas”, and that it’ll be “uniquely Australian” in how it “protects” the Aussie way of life. Which is a whole lot of fucking useless waffle, and especially ridiculous when you realise that he thinks the Aussie way of life is just preserving fossil fuels.

Katina Curtis, political reporter for the Sydney Morning Herald, looked up how many times the word “plan” actually came up in the presser — and it was 101 times!!! So roughly twice per minute. And yet I still have no idea what the fuck he was trying to say.

It honestly feels like Scott Morrison was writing a high school presentation the night before it was due, and repeated the keyword from the question 187 times in the hopes of scraping through some extra marks. Did he think we just… wouldn’t notice?!

Several heroic journalists tried to ask Morrison for an explanation less vague and useless than the one he had already given, before one managed to get an answer. Morrison clarified that the steps to the new plan would be revealed at a later time.

Sigh.