Here is a list of people I believe to be living perfect lives: Martin Clunes, Zach Galifianakis, and Sam Neill. I believe this about them for one reason: All of them have become filthy rich from movies and television, and then used that money to buy and operate a farm. Clunes has a working farm where he raises and sells sheep and cultivates the land using heavy horses, Neill operates a winery, and Galifianakis has a 60-acre property in North Carolina on which he films Kanye West video clips.
Sam Neill’s delightfully bucolic life is painstakingly documented on his Twitter account, which largely features updates from his adventures in the winemaking process, the occasional reference to a movie that he’s been in, and little moments with the animals on the farm. Animals like his duck, Charlie Pickering (no relation):
Massaging my duck. pic.twitter.com/EAvZfLNGHr— Sam Neill (@TwoPaddocks) August 3, 2017
I don’t really know what the emotional capacity of a duck is, but their relationship seems to at least be a mutually beneficial one:
I'd like to nominate my duck as the next Leader of the Free World . Are you with me ? pic.twitter.com/lFH8GGHTYr— Sam Neill (@TwoPaddocks) October 21, 2018
This is a relationship that not only involves cuddles that do not at all fit into my understanding of the aggression levels of ducks, but also loving pet talks:
When a duck understands everything you say. pic.twitter.com/UWRiEPth6a— Sam Neill (@TwoPaddocks) April 15, 2019
Ever wanted to be held in Sam Neill’s strong arms and told that you are beautiful? Ha ha me either. That would be pretty weird. I definitely don’t want that at all.