Trump’s right-hand man Rudy Giuliani has today given an absolutely wild speech, accusing President-elect Joe Biden of criminal offenses. But thankfully for the Republicans, nobody really listened to the bullshit coming out of his mouth because we were all too preoccupied looking at whatever the fuck was coming out of his hair.
If you’ve ever worked up a sweat while wearing fake tan, you’d know just how quickly that shit will literally drip off your body in a gross, poo-brown stream. And apparently, the same goes for hair dye.
In a televised press conference on Friday morning, Giuliani was quite literally sweating his hair out. Here, take a look.
Rudy Giuliani on tv blabbering a bunch of bullshit while sweating out his Just for Men is going down in history ???????????? pic.twitter.com/8tAfrq2ld3— hoshi toshi ???? (@JCdoubleXL) November 19, 2020
If you’re wondering why the man who was once highly regarded as “America’s mayor” is working up such a sweat, it’s probably because he was spreading a number of false allegations throughout the press conference with precisely zero evidence to back any of it up. Big yikes.
Among countless other accusations, Giuliani truly reckons they’ve found enough ineligible ballots to completely flip the election in favour of Trump.
I’m just going to give you all a moment to let that truly sink in.
Obviously, the Trump administration is yet to provide any actual evidence to back up any of these claims, but they are adamant that they have won the election, just as I am adamant that I won my Year 5 talent show.
But thankfully for Giuliani (and the teeny tiny shred of decency Trump may have left), most people were more focused on his hair than his words.
Some Twitter users claimed it was the bullshit leaking out of Giuliani.
Is that hair dye or bullshit leaking from Rudy? pic.twitter.com/dLSzFBT0po— The Masked Resister (@RobertH97868240) November 19, 2020
Rudy is so dirty he’s leaking mud pic.twitter.com/GzldQLCIHi— Mike Wells (@mikewtfwells) November 19, 2020
Hair dye? Nah. Rudy Giuliani is just so full of shit that it’s starting to leaking from his ears. ???? pic.twitter.com/NFmBQh4u0W— Korynn (@Korynn_W) November 19, 2020
But my favourite explanation for the leaky lawyer is that he’s (allegedly) a giant lizard person wearing a skin suit.
CONFIRMED: Rudy Giuliani is giant lizard wearing skin suit pic.twitter.com/Cl2ysfvPnm— 1984’s George Whorewell (@EwdatsGROSS) November 19, 2020
ICYMI @RudyGiuliani sweat-sheds his human skin in front of a live studio audience. Unfortunately the #fourseasonstotallandscaping was booked so they held it in what appears to be the storage room of a rentable hall. pic.twitter.com/jCOTzQYeB6— Mike0 (@Mike0) November 19, 2020
I simply cannot stress this enough: politics, especially of the American variety, is a messy bitch. And apparently, Just For Men is too.