If you’re looking for a daily serotonin boost this week then might I suggest you follow up on Robert Irwin‘s anger management training program with Emily, a very pissed-off bird.
The 18-year-old son of Australia’s late crocodile hunter Steve Irwin has shared updates of his attempts at calming down a curlew who appears to wake up every morning and choose violence.
Side note: I cannot believe Robert is now an adult. I feel painstakingly old. As Sophie says in Howl’s Moving Castle, it’s not easy being old.
Anyway, back to the messy bird bitches drama. It all started on January 27 when Robert posted the first video on TikTok. He explained his plan to help train Emily into a “mild-mannered Curlew”.
“Today we’re gonna be talking about anger management issues. Now, this is something that Emily definitely needs to discuss.
“She’s been having trouble for a while just in controlling those kinds of emotions. And it’s alright if you’re angry. It’s okay but there are better ways to deal with it than lash out.”
https://www.tiktok.com/@robertiirwin/video/7057536870615436545?is_from_webapp=1&sender_device=pc&web_id6970475862106916358
The feathered agent of chaos then leaped beak first at Robert. She pinched one of his fingers and aggressively flapped her wings against him. She also made a bunch of bird sounds that I can almost guarantee were a humanphobic slur.
Robert posted an update last Tuesday and said things seemed promising. Then Emily ran up behind him and went for the kill — or as “went for the kill” you can be when you’re a tenth of the size of your prey.
“Ow, okay, thank you,” he said as Emily’s beak gripped onto the skin on his palm.
Bro, I’d be yelling if this happened to me. This man has the calm spiritual aura of a wise old monk. You can really tell he’s part of the Irwin family.
https://www.tiktok.com/@robertiirwin/video/7059367607157165314?is_from_webapp=1&sender_device=pc&web_id6970475862106916358
Robert and Emily appeared to reach an agreement in Saturday’s TikTok update but then Emily took a bite out of him halfway through the vid.
“So, still a little bit of work to go but we’re pretty much there,” he said. “You’ve done really well, darling”.
https://www.tiktok.com/@robertiirwin/video/7061178225568877825?is_from_webapp=1&sender_device=pc&web_id6970475862106916358
That all sounded promising until the latest update on Sunday where Emily attacks Robert Irwin like he stole the last hot chippy in the box.
“We have really gone downhill,” he said as Emily whacks him with her wings from behind.
“The anger management plan has not worked. Our three-step program has completely failed and — ouch — okay can you… are you done?
“Oh, you’ve got skin now.”
https://www.tiktok.com/@robertiirwin/video/7061406621783624962?is_from_webapp=1&sender_device=pc&web_id6970475862106916358
Honestly, godspeed to Robert with this one. Emily appears to be going through something and might need some trauma therapy. For now, stay tuned for more my fellow zoologist girls, gays and theys.
