We all scoffed – laughed, even – when Australia‘s menacing army of right-wing lobbyists, politicians and columnists insisted that the apparently harmless act of giving equality to queer people would usher in a new age of insane depravity and utter chaos. We didn’t take them seriously when they suggested that, in the blink of an eye, we could see people marrying the Sydney Harbour Bridge.
The joke is on us, though. As the tide of public opinion in the world has swept towards justice, tolerance, love, and acceptance, already society is crumbling; humanity is descending into a new dark age of hedonism and debauchery, unseen by even that of the sexiest Roman emperors. I am, of course, talking about this British woman who proposed to a chandelier.
As the New York Post reports, the 33-year-old Amanda Liberty saw Lumiere (that’s her name) on eBay and it was love at first sight:
I knew immediately that she was the one for me and it was love at first sight. She was based in Germany and although I knew it would be tricky to get her home, I knew I needed to find a way to make her mine.”
I couldn’t stop thinking about her and how beautiful she was — she has such a beautiful shape and I could feel really amazing energy coming from her.
Who among us hasn’t done crazy things while swept up in the intoxicating and heavy musk of infatuation? I myself one time went willingly to an amateur theatre production of a Shakespeare play, all because I found myself to be dreadfully in love with a beautiful woman (it was bad).
While the love for Lumiere is strong, she is not the only chandelier who holds Amanda’s heart, sharing her love and affection with 24 other chandeliers. Together, they are all in an agreeable and mutually beneficial polyamorous relationship, with differences between each connection:
None of my chandeliers are jealous of each other, they understand that I love them all for all of their different personalities.
For example, I love kissing and cuddling Lumiere, but I sleep with Jewel every night, as she is portable and very nice to cuddle.
For some of us, getting our emotional support from one person and our sexual intimacy from another is merely a dream, but for Amanda, it is a reality. Lumiere clearly holds special significance though, having been chosen as the one Amanda will marry:
Last Valentine’s Day I proposed to her, to signify our long lasting love. I hope at some point we will have a commitment ceremony — I haven’t been engaged before so it’s very new and exciting!
Is it weird to love a chandelier? Amanda says this:
People often can’t understand that this is just a natural orientation for me, that I can find the beauty in objects and can sense their energy. I want others to see how happy the chandeliers make me and how much they’ve enriched my life.”
I’m not hurting anyone by entering into a relationship with them, I am simply just following my heart.
Fuck yeah girl, get it.
(Minor footnote: remember the woman who fell in love with the Statue of Liberty? This is the same woman.)
